The Blurry Rules Book (Paperback)

Chapter One

I am the Lord your God ... You shall have no other gods before me. Exodus 20:2-3

Is it just me, or did Moses make it sound really easy when he came down from Mt. Sinai with the Ten Commandments and said, "This is what we have to do to obey God"? How tough is it not to make idols, steal, kill, cheat, swear, and lie about people? To hear him tell it, being obedient is a piece of cake.

But if you live past the age of about two, you figure out that it's harder than it sounds! The Girlz certainly have realized it.

Lily wouldn't dream of committing murder. But when Shad Shifferdecker announces in the cafeteria-in a voice loud enough for the whole world to hear-that Lily is pigeon-toed, Lily wouldn't mind too much if Shad were suddenly stricken with "terminal" appendicitis. Yet isn't wishing somebody would drop dead about as bad as holding a gun on them?

Reni knows that cheating is wrong. But during a science test when she sees one of her friends glancing at someone else's paper before writing down an answer, she has a tough decision to make. Can not reporting someone else for cheating be anywhere near as bad as, say, copying someone else's term paper?

You don't have to tell Zooey it's wrong to say something about somebody that isn't true. Still, when Chelsea and Ashley-the two most popular girls in the whole class-are discussing Marcie McCleary with her, what's so terrible about saying something not-so-nice about Marcie (provided that it's true, of course)? After all, it isn't every day that Chelsea and Ashley even look at Zooey, much less talk to her.

When you get right down to it, following the Ten Commandments-God's guides for right living-isn't that easy. Just like Lily and her friends, you're bound to face plenty of situations where the rules aren't spelled out all that clearly.

What do you do then?

What if your life is so crowded you don't have time to pray and read your Bible-but you keep hearing that you're supposed to put God before everything else?

What if all-and I mean all-your friends are getting their noses pierced, and you're going to feel like a complete loser if you don't do it too-but you're pretty sure you've heard in church that it's God you're supposed to be worshiping?

What if keeping the Sabbath day holy means sitting through a really boring Sunday school class and an even worse worship service?

What if those parents you're supposed to be honoring do stuff that's so unfair? What if your friend's wardrobe, that you're not supposed to covet, is calling your name? What if-

You get the idea. When it gets down to the nitty-gritty, those kinds of decisions can be difficult, and rules like "Thou shalt not kill" don't really seem to apply. But not to worry-God has it all covered, and this book is in your hands to help you figure out how. There isn't a situation you could possibly face that the Father doesn't have a solution for. It may not be as easy as Moses made it sound, but it isn't impossible. The bugaboos of life can be conquered!

HOW IS THIS A GOD THING?

You aren't the first one to ask "What if?" Back when Jesus was here on earth, people asked him questions like that all the time.

"What if I divorce my wife, only I do it legally? Isn't that okay?"

"What if somebody hits me first? Don't I have the right to hit them back?"

"What if some out-of-it person wants to hang out with me? Isn't that bad for my reputation?"

"What if I've given all my money to the church? Do I still have to take care of my parents in their old age?"

"What if my brother or sister hurts me? How many times do I have to forgive?"

"What if I'm really rich-do I have to give up everything to follow you?"

"What if I promise something, only I have my fingers crossed? Does it still count? Isn't a promise only a promise if I have my hand on the Bible?"

Never once did Jesus say, "Gosh, I don't know. Let me get back to you on that." He always had guidelines to share, and they all boiled down to basically two things:

Does what you want to do show that you love God with all your heart, body, and mind (which pretty much covers everything!)? (Matthew 22:37)

AND

Does what you want to do show that you love your neighbor the way you do yourself? (Matthew 22:39)

As we look at some of the not-so-easy decisions you have to make, we'll come back to those two guidelines from Jesus again and again and show exactly how they work.

They're what we call a frame of reference. It's sort of like when you get separated from your mom or your friends at the mall and you start to feel a little lost and uneasy. If you can spot that huge piece of art in the center of the mall, you can always figure out where you are "in reference" to that. It's like a land- mark that guides you. Jesus' two greatest commandments are like landmarks too.

Think of the Ten Commandments as the mall itself. If you want to get around in there and find what you need, you constantly have to look back at what Jesus says about loving God and loving your neighbor as yourself. Those two principles serve as a frame of reference for your life just like the huge piece of art serves as a frame of reference for the mall.

So let's start with the first of God's rules that Moses brought down from the mountain:

I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. You shall have no other gods before me. Exodus 20:2-3

Simple enough, right? No pushing God out of the way for any of those ridiculous-looking idols.

Let's find out-

[CHECK] Check Yourself Out

If you're ready to be really honest with yourself, find a spot where you can be all alone for a few minutes, where nobody is going to be looking over your shoulder. Then, number the items on the list below in order of how important they are to you. Number one will be the most important, number two the second most important, and so on.

If you have trouble deciding, ask yourself this question: which one of these things would I have the most trouble giving up? That would be number one. The one you'd have almost as much trouble letting go of would be number two. Be sure to think about the consequences of giving up certain things, as well as how you feel about those activities! Okay, here we go:

____ the time I spend with my parents

____ the time I spend hanging out with my friends

____ the time I spend doing things I enjoy by myself

____ the time I spend with God

____ the time I spend taking lessons or doing sports

____ the time I spend with my brothers and sisters

____ the time I spend doing homework and studying

____ the time I spend doing chores

What you've just done is prioritize the activities in your life. That means you've decided the order of their importance to you. If you marked "the time I spend hanging out with my friends" number one, that means being with them, doing stuff like watching movies and consuming large quantities of microwave popcorn, is the most important thing in your life. If you marked "the time I spend doing chores" number one, that means the most important thing in your life is doing chores. (It could also mean that you need a brain transplant!)

So what's the right answer?

Let's get back to our frame of reference. If you go by our first commandment (love God with all your heart, body, and mind), then your number one choice should be "the time I spend with God."

I can see you now, grabbing your eraser to fix that on your quiz and saying, "I knew that-I did! I meant to make that number one!" But don't feel bad. It's really difficult in today's busy world to put the right things first. You aren't the only one.

GIRLZ want to know

* LILY: By the time I go to school all day, then have a Girlz Only Club meeting, then go home and set the table, have dinner, help with the dishes, do my homework, talk to some of my friends on the phone, take a bath, brush my teeth, write in my journal, and fight with my little brother, I have about five minutes left to pray before I fall asleep!

* RENI: I'm in the school orchestra, and I'm taking private violin lessons. My parents say I have a gift from God for music and they're proud of me for using it. Isn't that putting God first?

* ZOOEY: Yikes! My mom doesn't even take me to church. I didn't know you were supposed to spend time with God. How do you do that anyway?

* KRESHA: If I try to have quiet time with God, my brothers are going to make fun of me-I know it. I'll have to hide in the closet or something! Is that really what God wants?

* SUZY: I thought God was just with me all the time. How can I spend more time with him than that?

If you have questions like these, you may need to find some new ways to organize the time you don't spend in school, sleeping, or doing other necessary things so that you can have some special time just for God. As we go along, you'll learn more about what to do with that time once you've found it.

Just Do It

Time never stops. It never slows down, and it never speeds up. Everybody, from the president of the United States to your baby brother, gets the same number of seconds, minutes, and hours every day, and everyone gets the same number of days, weeks, and months in every year. If anybody can find a way to get it all in, including quiet time with God, everybody can. Let's take a look at how.

Start by filling in this chart with your activities for the last couple of days. Write a few words about how you spent each period of time. For instance, from midnight to 6:00 a.m. on the first day, you were probably sleeping, so write "sleeping" in each box for that time period. Maybe from 6:00 to 9:00 p.m. last night you were watching television, so write "watching television" in each box for that time period.

Now fill out the next chart. List in the column headed "Activity" each thing you did during the last three days, such as sleeping, doing homework, watching television, playing computer games, or doing chores. Under "Total Hours Spent Each Day," add up how much time you spent doing each activity each of the three days. Then add up the total hours you spent on each activity the whole three days and fill in the total in the last column.

Okay, now ask yourself these questions:

What did I spend the most time doing BESIDES sleeping and going to school?

What did I spend the least time doing?

What would I like to have spent more time doing?

What would I like to have spent less time doing (besides sleeping and going to school!)?

What would I like to have done but didn't do at all?

Did I have enough free time when I could do whatever I wanted?

Did I get to decide when I wanted to do things at least some of the time?

Do I like the way I spent the time I had control over (the time when I wasn't asleep or at school)?

Believe it or not, you really do have the power to plan what you do with some of your time, and it can actually be fun. If this sounds like your kind of fun, you'll need:

a large sheet of poster paper.

a calendar with spaces big enough to write in for each day.

a pencil with an eraser.

a pad of paper.

Before you start, remember these things:

First, you don't have to make plans for everything you do every day, because you do some things automatically, like getting dressed, eating, going to school, taking a bath, and sleeping. You should allow time for those things, but you don't have to make special plans to do them.

Second, even though you're young-like maybe not even in middle school yet-you can still make some plans for the whole year ahead. That may sound kind of scary, but actually it's exciting!

Step 1

Look at the answers to the questions under "Check Yourself Out." Use them to help you decide these things: What do I want to do this year? Do I want to obtain something? Become something? Learn something? Make something? Go someplace? Get to know someone? If you really want to make spending time with God the most important thing in your life, this is the place to include that: I want to get into the habit of spending special time with God every day.

Step 2

Write down the answers to those questions in Step 1 in the form of a list on your pad of paper. These examples may help you:

Lily's List

Find a way to spend quiet time with God every day

Write for the school newspaper

Make straight A's

Learn how to French braid my hair

Learn how to speak French

Take Otto to obedience school

Reni's List

Buy a violin of my own instead of renting one Be able to play "The Flight of the Bumble Bee" Go to orchestra camp Make citywide middle-school orchestra Meet a professional violinist Spend quiet time with God

Zooey's List

Lose fifty pounds Make good grades so I can be in honors classes in eighth grade Redecorate my bedroom Go away to summer camp Join a church

Kresha's List

Learn to speak English really well Get a new hairstyle Try out for the soccer team Try out for the softball team Try out for the cheerleading squad Find a husband for my mom Have that quiet time thing with God

Suzy's List

Stop being so shy Get along better with my sister Read the whole Bible Go to a better soccer camp next summer Learn to do a double back flip

Step 3

Cross out the things that are impossible-just ain't gonna happen-or that really aren't that important to you after all. Get rid of the things that, on second thought, you don't really want to do or won't be able to do. You can also change things a little instead of crossing them out.

Lily realized she wouldn't be able to learn to speak fluent French in a year, so she changed her goal to taking a French class. She also remembered that her hair is pretty wild and thick and decided that trying to learn to French braid it might be a lost cause. She crossed that out.

Reni remembered that she's just a beginner and "The Flight of the Bumble Bee" is for advanced students, so she crossed that out. And since chances are she won't get to meet a professional violinist, she crossed that out too. Then she took getting her own violin off the list, because her parents are going to send her to orchestra camp. She realized they probably couldn't afford both.

Zooey decided that fifty pounds might be a little ambitious, so she changed her goal to ten pounds. She felt that was plenty to get started. Then she decided to work hard to make the best grades she can and not worry about whether that puts her in honors classes.

(Continues...)