Chapter One
SEEING SINGLENESS
FROM GOD'S
POINT OF VIEW
CHARLES SIMEON was a pastor in Cambridge,
England. For over fifty years, he faithfully served
God in this university town and was used by
Him to create an environment wherein people
could grow. As a result, many from his
church were thrust into ministry.
A number of years ago, I heard a series of lectures
by Gordon McDonald on the life of
Charles Simeon. As a single man at that time, I
was struck by Simeon's words:
I should hate the university above all
places if I were a married man. I shall never
marry. In my present state, I am quite a rich
man and almost as free from care as an angel.
Had I married, I would have had to resign my
fellowship and with it my usefulness. I have
never felt it a great sacrifice but have appreciated
the opportunity to invest in men.
While I did greatly benefit from my own
longer season of singleness, I could never fully
identify with Simeon's words. Yet they were
helpful along with the examples of other godly
single men and women who were clearly taking
advantage of the practical benefits of their single
status.
First Corinthians 7 is a special chapter of
Scripture. If it were the only portion of Scripture
we considered in relation to marriage, we
might come to some wrong conclusions. On the
other hand, if we ignore its contribution, we
will clearly miss an important part of God's
message on this subject.
On three occasions in 1 Corinthians 7 the
goodness of singleness is affirmed (verses 1, 8,
26). This is the balancing truth to the general
principle that it is "not good" for man to be
alone-and thus, the provision of marriage
(Genesis 2:18). God, therefore, sees the single
state as one of special opportunity because a
person's life can be less encumbered with the
responsibility of pleasing his or her mate (1 Corinthians
7:32-34) and in this sense more available
to the Lord.
A married person cannot function as if he
were single. He cannot or at least should not ignore
his family responsibilities in order to be
available to everybody who needs to be visited
or counseled. In this way a person who has no
spouse or children can play a more involved
role in the life of the church.
The teaching of 1 Corinthians 7 is needed in
order to give balance to the subject of marriage.
Usually people do not need to be exhorted
about the benefits of marriage. This is somewhat
innate to the way God has made every person.
Making the most of one's time of singleness is
the best preparation for marriage in the will of
God. Even 1 Corinthians 7 is not attempting to
restrain a person from marriage but rather to
promote the opportunity in singleness to devote
oneself to the Lord (1 Corinthians 7:35).
While I was going through graduate school
to prepare for ministry, it was obvious to me
that God did not want me to pursue marriage. In
my first week of graduate school, my attention
was drawn to Proverbs 24:27, which we will
look deeper at in chapter 3. While I was resting
in the truth that I was now in a preparatory time
that allowed my singleness to be an advantage,
I continuously needed this conviction reinforced.
The joys and privileges of marriage were obvious,
and I was also being reminded that ministries
often prefer their positions to be filled
with married men. I had to "fight" to rest in the
benefits of my present state.
I devoted a day to studying 1 Corinthians 7
in order to realize afresh the advantage of my
singleness. After a time of study I took a walk
and was praying through portions of this chapter.
I quoted 1 Corinthians 7:32-35:
But I want you to be free from concern. One who
is unmarried is concerned about the things of the
Lord, how he may please the Lord; but one who is
married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and his interests are
divided. The woman who is unmarried, and the
virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but
one who is married is concerned about the things
of the world, how she may please her husband.
This I say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint
upon you, but to promote what is seemly
and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord.
As I was walking down Swiss Avenue in Dallas
and quoting these verses, I looked up at the
beautiful sky and pondered the awesome privilege
of being able to enjoy undistracted devotion
to the Lord who created the universe. This
gift is given to all for a period of time and to
some for a lifetime.
I later returned to my dorm room and discovered
a note from a young lady whom I had
noticed that summer. She was asking if I would
be willing to take her to the airport. Her godliness
and beauty had caught my eye, and I was
willing! Momentarily, my meditation of 1 Corinthians
7 was forgotten.
That evening I was a little restless, so I got
up to seek the Lord. I had been studying Proverbs
and was on chapter 5 of this book of wisdom.
I was struck by Proverbs 5:18, which encourages
the married man to "rejoice in the wife of [his]
youth." I made no connection of this verse to
the lovely girl that I would take to the airport
the next morning, and after that I would never
have any further contact with her. I did, however,
make a connection with it to my meditation
of 1 Corinthians 7, which led me into a
time of worship.
I worshipped God for His beautiful plan. He
says that singleness is good and has many spiritual
advantages. To affirm the goodness and advantage
of singleness is not to deprecate marriage.
He also says that marriage is good, and when
God gives it, it is to be enjoyed to its fullness.
To affirm the goodness of marriage is not to belittle
the exalted state of singleness. I worshipped
God that whatever His will was for me
in this matter-to be single or married-it was
good, acceptable, and perfect (Romans 12:2).
Chapter Two
WAITING ON GOD
FOR A MATE
THE COUNSEL that is given in 1 Corinthians
7:27 is to not "seek" to change one's marital status.
However, it is also obvious that it is God's
will to change many people's status from singleness
to marriage, because marriage is indeed
His creation (Genesis 2:18-25).
In seeking the Lord, a believer who is single
desires not merely to be married but to marry
with the full blessing of God. Author Tim Kimmel
illustrated entering into the marriage covenant
without thinking through what this commitment
fully means:
Minister: "Do you take this woman all
her immaturity, self-centeredness, nagging,
tears, and tensions to be your wife-forever?"
The dumb ox, temporarily hypnotized by
the prospect of being able to sleep with her
every night mumbles, "I do."
Then the preacher asks the starry-eyed
bride who is all of twenty, "Do you take this
man with all of his lusts, moods, indifference
immaturity, and lack of discipline to be your
husband-forever?"
She thinks that "forever" means all of next
week, because she has never experienced one
month of tediousness, responsibility, or denial
of her wishes, so she chirps, "I do," in the
thought that now she has become a woman.
Then the patient minister parrots, "By authority
committed unto me as minister of
Christ, I pronounce you man and wife"
As he does he prays a silent prayer for forgiveness,
for he knows he lies. They are not
now husband and wife and he knows that few
of them will ever be. They are now legally permitted
to breed, fuss, spend each other's money
and be held responsible for each other,
so long as they don't do it with a gun or club.
And the minister goes home wondering if there
isn't a more honest way to earn a living.
In my graduate school years, I ran across a
book called Silhouettes by Helen Kooiman. Each
chapter tells the story of a woman behind a notable
man of God. For example there was a
chapter on the mother of Billy Graham, the
mother of Bill Bright, and chapters on the wives
of such men as Edward Hill and Arthur DeMoss.
The chapter that struck me more than any other
was the one about Heather Olford, the wife of
Dr. Stephen Olford.
I could identify with Dr. Olford's entering
the public ministry as a single man. He sought
God for wisdom as to how to approach the
whole issue of relationships and marriage in a
way that maintained his Christian testimony in
the midst of his demanding ministry. After doing
an in-depth study of the subject, God impressed
him with Jesus' reference to Genesis 2
when he was questioned about the whole matter
of marriage and divorce (Matthew 19:3-6).
Dr. Olford discovered from Genesis 2 that
God's concern is greater than ours in this matter.
Adam did not have the ability to analyze
what he was missing or what he needed, for he
had never seen a woman. It was God who analyzed
the need in Adam's life for a suitable companion.
The Lord not only explained to Adam what
he needed but also provided the woman to meet
his need and fulfill His plan. In Dr. Olford's
words:
When God explained to Adam what was
lacking in his life, he must have acquiesced to
God's will, or else God would never have imposed
a woman on his life, for to have done so
against Adam's will would have been an immoral
act. God caused a deep sleep to come
upon him, and Adam was prepared to rest in
the will of God until God awakened him to the
right partner. Only while Adam was asleep in
the will of God could God create the woman
that was suitable for him in every respect.
Then, of course, there was the awakening-God's
consummation of the love, courtship
and marriage, as it were. When Adam awakened, the woman that God brought him
matched him perfectly. There was an affinity of
spirit, soul, body, for they had met in God.
As far as I was concerned, this revolutionized
my thinking. Having seen this truth, I decided
I was not going to do any kind of
exploring to find a wife; I was going to sleep in
the will of God. And the amazing thing is that
when you sleep in God's will, He puts a protection
around you. Many young women could
have broken into my life between the ages of
twenty-five and thirty, but they were held off
while I did the job God wanted me to do.
The remainder of the chapter explains how
in the midst of his ministry he met lovely
Heather Brown, who was also involved in ministry
and pursuing God's will for her life. God
not only enabled them to be acquainted
through several mutual ministry opportunities
together but also provided a providential meeting.
Dr. Olford was recuperating in Ireland from
an illness and preparing himself for a ministry
in Belfast. During this exact time, Heather was
returning to her home in Ireland from a time of
ministry.
Heather's sister, Lilian, asked Stephen to
join her family for a trip to the Belfast docks.
That morning he had read Proverbs 18:22 in his
devotions: "He who finds a wife finds a good
thing and obtains favor from the Lord." Before
the convention began where Stephen was to
speak, the Brown family planned a day's outing
to the beach. For a variety of reasons, only
Stephen and Heather were able to go. As they
were driving through the beautiful countryside,
he began to share his heart about his plans and
directions for ministry that God had given him.
Then Heather poured out her desires, burdens,
and yearning to serve Christ through her music.
Suddenly Stephen pulled to the side of the road
and stopped the car. In his words: "The jigsaw
puzzle so perfectly matched that it was not
funny. We bowed our heads, I found myself
praying that God would guide our lives. As I
prayed I thanked Him for Heather, for giving
her to me, and accepted her by faith, so that I
really proposed to her in my prayers. She followed
with a prayer and did exactly the same
thing. And when she finished, for the first time
in five years I kissed a girl, and we were engaged
at that very moment."
What on the surface may seem impulsive is
really the fruit of a life of godly restraint and
waiting on God for His timing and provision.
Chapter Three
FINDING GOD'S
PROVISION ON
THE OTHER SIDE
OF A TEMPTATION
A DEAR FRIEND, Michael, requested to introduce
our wedding by relating to the wedding
guests how God had led Penny and me to marry.
The process of our relationship is something
that he had prayerfully and compassionately
observed. I had never heard of such a request to
do a "prologue" to a wedding, but I did consent.
I even gave him my personal diary that I kept in
the close to seven years of the relationship. With
his masterful skill as storyteller, he communicated
the story on that crisp November day in
1988. I am humbled by it and how God has
used it to encourage others. We have repeatedly
been encouraged to put our story in written
form over the past fifteen years. The following
pages are an effort to obey these promptings.
BIRTH, SALVATION, COLLEGE YEARS, CALL TO MINISTRY
I was "born" in Montgomery, Alabama in
1952 and "born again" in the same city when
Billy Graham came to Crampton Bowl thirteen
years later. My growth as a Christian was limited
in the next years, but God did prompt me to read
His word.
After joining the Air Force Reserve and serving
six months active duty, I attended Auburn
University but did not know the Lord well enough
to allow Him to form my ambitions and plans.
There I decided to study business and was met
with outward success of making the Dean's List,
joining a good social fraternity, and being elected
president at the School of Business as a freshman.
Such outward success did not quench the
thirsts of my heart. I knew that inwardly I was
full of fears and anxieties and was not living for
Christ and did not even know how to do so.
In December of 1971, I wandered into Buster's
room, a fellow fraternity brother. He was the
most unusual person in the fraternity. He not
only was a Christian, but his express purpose for
joining the fraternity was to lead people to
Christ. Up to this point in my life I had never
met a Christian who took a stand for Christ in
an environment where it was not at all popular
to do so. Buster's roommate was moving out
and so was mine. I requested to room with him,
and God used this relationship to draw me into
a full surrender of my life to the Lord. This surrender
eventually led to a complete change of
plans. While I finished my degree in business, I
sensed God's clear call into vocational ministry.
SEMINARY AND PROVERBS 24:27
While I wanted to go into ministry immediately,
older and wiser men as well as my loving
parents counseled me to get training. After working
in a local church, I attended Dallas Theological
Seminary.
Continues.
