Chapter One
Session One
What Is a Boundary?
BEFORE YOU LEAD
Key Points
• Boundaries define what is me and what is not me. Boundaries also protect us
from the bad.
• Skin, words (especially the word no), truth about God and about who you are,
time (as in "time away from"), geographical distance, emotional distance,
other people, and consequences are some examples of boundaries.
• We are responsible for our feelings, attitudes, beliefs, behaviors, choices,
thoughts, values, limits, talents, desires, and love, all of which lie within our
boundaries.
• The concept of boundaries comes from the nature of God himself.
• Boundaries allow us to care for ourselves and others.
• Boundaries result in freedom, which leads to love.
Synopsis
We begin our study of boundaries by answering the question, "What is a boundary?"
Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary
shows where each individual ends and someone else begins, leading each person to a
sense of ownership and responsibility. These boundaries, or "fences" need to
have gates so that we can let good in and bad out.
Just as homeowners set physical property lines around their land, we need to set
mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual boundaries for our lives to help us distinguish
what is our responsibility and what isn't. Skin, words (especially the word no), truth
about God and about who you are, time (as in "time away from"), geographical distance,
emotional distance, other people, and consequences are some examples of
boundaries. Feelings, attitudes, beliefs, behaviors, choices, thoughts, values, limits, talents,
desires, and love all lie within our boundaries.
The concept of boundaries comes from the very nature of God. God defines himself
as a distinct being separate from his creation and from us. He has boundaries
within the Trinity. The Father, the Son, and the Spirit are one, but at the same time
they are distinct persons with their own boundaries. God also limits what he will allow
in his "yard." He confronts sin and allows consequences for behavior. He guards his
house and will not allow evil things to go on there. He invites people in who will love
him, and he lets his love flow outward to them at the same time.
Created in God's likeness, we too have personal responsibilities within limits-within
boundaries-that we set and maintain. Part of taking responsibility, or ownership,
is knowing what is our job and what isn't. It takes wisdom to know what we should
be doing and what we shouldn't.
Consider the importance of boundaries. Knowing what we are to own and take
responsibility for gives us freedom. If we each know where our yard begins and ends,
we are free to do with it what we like. But boundaries do more than just allow us to
care for ourselves; they also help us care for others in a healthy, Christlike way.
Maintaining boundaries-or, put differently, taking responsibility for your life-opens
up many different options. After all, if you're in control of your life, you'll recognize
that you have choices. You'll no longer be limited by circumstances or the control
of others. You'll find that you have greater control of your time, energy, and
resources. And with that greater control comes freedom to serve others in ways that
you choose: to whom you will give, what you will give, and how much you will give.
In turn, the freedom that comes with knowing boundaries leads to love because
love requires freedom. If you have to do something for someone and don't have a
choice about the matter, you are doing it under compulsion rather than acting in love
(2 Cor. 9:7). You are doing it in fear of either the person's withdrawal or attack or to
avoid your own feelings of guilt. But if you are free to say no, then when you do choose
to give, you are giving out of love, and your service will be truly Christlike.
Recommended Reading
"A Day in a Boundaryless Life" and "What Does a Boundary Look Like?" chapters
1 and 2 in Boundaries
INTRODUCTION
(3 Minutes)
Welcome
1. Call the group together.
2. Welcome the participants to Session 1 of the Boundaries course: "What Is a Boundary?"
3. Introduce yourself: Tell the group your name, a little about yourself, and
why you are excited about teaching this course.
Opening Prayer (1 Minute)
Heavenly Father, thank you for the people who have gathered here and for what you
have for us to learn. May we hear your truth with our hearts as well as our ears and
apply it to our lives in new and freeing ways. Jesus, we look to you to be our guide
and our teacher as we begin learning more about boundaries and your design for
our lives. In Jesus' name, Amen.
Overview (1 Minute)
Participant's Guide page 9.
Note: On each facing right-hand page is a copy of the corresponding Participant's Guide page(s).
For the next nine sessions we are going to look at boundaries-what they are and
how they can help us live a life that honors and glorifies God. This course is based
on Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend's best-selling book Boundaries: When
to Say Yes, When to Say No, to Take Control of Your Life.
Hold up the book. At this point you may wish to offer this book for sale as an
additional resource or simply mention where a copy can be obtained.
Let's turn to page 9. Today we're going to define "boundaries" and see how
boundaries allow us to care for ourselves and others. We'll look at examples of
boundaries and see what we are responsible for within our boundaries. We'll see
that the concept of boundaries comes from the nature of God himself, and, as
we move through this session, you'll come to understand how boundaries result
in freedom, which leads to love.
DISCOVERY
(38 Minutes)
Video Segment: Sherrie Without Boundaries
(8 Minutes)
In this first video segment, we'll see some scenes from chapter 1 in the book Boundaries and hear from Dr. Cloud. But first, let me tell you a little bit about your Participant's
Guide. During our nine sessions, we will discuss various topics as a large
group. You will also meet together in small groups, talk one-on-one to the person
next to you, and occasionally work alone on some exercises. The Participant's Guide
will help you stay focused and keep us moving through this challenging and life-changing
material.
Participant's Guide page 10.
If you turn to page 10, you'll see that the authors have listed the key points from the
video segments so that you don't have to take notes while you're watching. You can
use these later, if you want to, to review what was covered. Let's get started.
View Video Segment: Sherrie Without Boundaries (7 minutes)
Boundaries help us to differentiate ourselves from someone else; they show where
each person begins and ends. Right now we're going to look at some examples of
boundaries as well as what falls within our boundaries, those things for which each
of us is responsible.
Let's Talk: Examples of Boundaries and the
Responsibilities That Come with Them (15 Minutes)
Participant's Guide pages 11-14.
Please turn to pages 12-13 of your Participant's Guide. There you'll see two lists-one
of types of boundaries and another of those things that fall within our boundaries.
Directions
1. In a moment, I will split you into seven small groups and assign each group a
cluster from one of the lists found on pages 12-13.
2. If your group is assigned some examples of boundaries, talk about why each is
considered a boundary and what people can do to keep that particular boundary
strong.
3. If your group is assigned some of the responsibilities that come with boundaries,
talk about what being responsible for each of these areas involves or (perhaps an
easier question to answer) what irresponsibility in each area looks like.
4. When we come back together as a large group, a spokesperson from each group
will share your small group ideas with the rest of us.
5. You'll also notice some "Boundary Building" questions at the end of each page.
You will find "Boundary Building" questions throughout this and subsequent sessions.
These important questions-intended for later, after the session-can help
you build healthy boundaries for yourself.
6. You will have 8 minutes to complete this exercise.
Any questions?
After dividing your large group into seven small groups, assign each group a
cluster of topics to discuss (see clusters A-G below).
Examples of Boundaries (4 groups)
Cluster A: Skin (What good does skin keep in and what bad does it keep out?);
words (especially the word no)
Cluster B: Truth (about God and about who you are); time (as in "time away
from")
Cluster C: Geographical distance (removing yourself from a situation); emotional
distance (guarding your heart)
Cluster D: Other people (How can other people help you set and keep boundaries?);
consequences (Why are consequences necessary to strong boundaries?)
Responsibilities That Come with Boundaries (3 groups)
Cluster E: Feelings, attitudes/beliefs, desires
Cluster F: Behaviors, choices, values, thoughts
Cluster G: Limits, talents, love/trust
Continues.
Chapter One
Session One
What Is a Boundary?
BEFORE YOU LEAD
Key Points
• Boundaries define what is me and what is not me. Boundaries also protect us
from the bad.
• Skin, words (especially the word no), truth about God and about who you are,
time (as in "time away from"), geographical distance, emotional distance,
other people, and consequences are some examples of boundaries.
• We are responsible for our feelings, attitudes, beliefs, behaviors, choices,
thoughts, values, limits, talents, desires, and love, all of which lie within our
boundaries.
• The concept of boundaries comes from the nature of God himself.
• Boundaries allow us to care for ourselves and others.
• Boundaries result in freedom, which leads to love.
Synopsis
We begin our study of boundaries by answering the question, "What is a boundary?"
Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary
shows where each individual ends and someone else begins, leading each person to a
sense of ownership and responsibility. These boundaries, or "fences" need to
have gates so that we can let good in and bad out.
Just as homeowners set physical property lines around their land, we need to set
mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual boundaries for our lives to help us distinguish
what is our responsibility and what isn't. Skin, words (especially the word no), truth
about God and about who you are, time (as in "time away from"), geographical distance,
emotional distance, other people, and consequences are some examples of
boundaries. Feelings, attitudes, beliefs, behaviors, choices, thoughts, values, limits, talents,
desires, and love all lie within our boundaries.
The concept of boundaries comes from the very nature of God. God defines himself
as a distinct being separate from his creation and from us. He has boundaries
within the Trinity. The Father, the Son, and the Spirit are one, but at the same time
they are distinct persons with their own boundaries. God also limits what he will allow
in his "yard." He confronts sin and allows consequences for behavior. He guards his
house and will not allow evil things to go on there. He invites people in who will love
him, and he lets his love flow outward to them at the same time.
Created in God's likeness, we too have personal responsibilities within limits-within
boundaries-that we set and maintain. Part of taking responsibility, or ownership,
is knowing what is our job and what isn't. It takes wisdom to know what we should
be doing and what we shouldn't.
Consider the importance of boundaries. Knowing what we are to own and take
responsibility for gives us freedom. If we each know where our yard begins and ends,
we are free to do with it what we like. But boundaries do more than just allow us to
care for ourselves; they also help us care for others in a healthy, Christlike way.
Maintaining boundaries-or, put differently, taking responsibility for your life-opens
up many different options. After all, if you're in control of your life, you'll recognize
that you have choices. You'll no longer be limited by circumstances or the control
of others. You'll find that you have greater control of your time, energy, and
resources. And with that greater control comes freedom to serve others in ways that
you choose: to whom you will give, what you will give, and how much you will give.
In turn, the freedom that comes with knowing boundaries leads to love because
love requires freedom. If you have to do something for someone and don't have a
choice about the matter, you are doing it under compulsion rather than acting in love
(2 Cor. 9:7). You are doing it in fear of either the person's withdrawal or attack or to
avoid your own feelings of guilt. But if you are free to say no, then when you do choose
to give, you are giving out of love, and your service will be truly Christlike.
Recommended Reading
"A Day in a Boundaryless Life" and "What Does a Boundary Look Like?" chapters
1 and 2 in Boundaries
INTRODUCTION
(3 Minutes)
Welcome
1. Call the group together.
2. Welcome the participants to Session 1 of the Boundaries course: "What Is a Boundary?"
3. Introduce yourself: Tell the group your name, a little about yourself, and
why you are excited about teaching this course.
Opening Prayer (1 Minute)
Heavenly Father, thank you for the people who have gathered here and for what you
have for us to learn. May we hear your truth with our hearts as well as our ears and
apply it to our lives in new and freeing ways. Jesus, we look to you to be our guide
and our teacher as we begin learning more about boundaries and your design for
our lives. In Jesus' name, Amen.
Overview (1 Minute)
Participant's Guide page 9.
Note: On each facing right-hand page is a copy of the corresponding Participant's Guide page(s).
For the next nine sessions we are going to look at boundaries-what they are and
how they can help us live a life that honors and glorifies God. This course is based
on Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend's best-selling book Boundaries: When
to Say Yes, When to Say No, to Take Control of Your Life.
Hold up the book. At this point you may wish to offer this book for sale as an
additional resource or simply mention where a copy can be obtained.
Let's turn to page 9. Today we're going to define "boundaries" and see how
boundaries allow us to care for ourselves and others. We'll look at examples of
boundaries and see what we are responsible for within our boundaries. We'll see
that the concept of boundaries comes from the nature of God himself, and, as
we move through this session, you'll come to understand how boundaries result
in freedom, which leads to love.
DISCOVERY
(38 Minutes)
Video Segment: Sherrie Without Boundaries
(8 Minutes)
In this first video segment, we'll see some scenes from chapter 1 in the book Boundaries and hear from Dr. Cloud. But first, let me tell you a little bit about your Participant's
Guide. During our nine sessions, we will discuss various topics as a large
group. You will also meet together in small groups, talk one-on-one to the person
next to you, and occasionally work alone on some exercises. The Participant's Guide
will help you stay focused and keep us moving through this challenging and life-changing
material.
Participant's Guide page 10.
If you turn to page 10, you'll see that the authors have listed the key points from the
video segments so that you don't have to take notes while you're watching. You can
use these later, if you want to, to review what was covered. Let's get started.
View Video Segment: Sherrie Without Boundaries (7 minutes)
Boundaries help us to differentiate ourselves from someone else; they show where
each person begins and ends. Right now we're going to look at some examples of
boundaries as well as what falls within our boundaries, those things for which each
of us is responsible.
Let's Talk: Examples of Boundaries and the
Responsibilities That Come with Them (15 Minutes)
Participant's Guide pages 11-14.
Please turn to pages 12-13 of your Participant's Guide. There you'll see two lists-one
of types of boundaries and another of those things that fall within our boundaries.
Directions
1. In a moment, I will split you into seven small groups and assign each group a
cluster from one of the lists found on pages 12-13.
2. If your group is assigned some examples of boundaries, talk about why each is
considered a boundary and what people can do to keep that particular boundary
strong.
3. If your group is assigned some of the responsibilities that come with boundaries,
talk about what being responsible for each of these areas involves or (perhaps an
easier question to answer) what irresponsibility in each area looks like.
4. When we come back together as a large group, a spokesperson from each group
will share your small group ideas with the rest of us.
5. You'll also notice some "Boundary Building" questions at the end of each page.
You will find "Boundary Building" questions throughout this and subsequent sessions.
These important questions-intended for later, after the session-can help
you build healthy boundaries for yourself.
6. You will have 8 minutes to complete this exercise.
Any questions?
After dividing your large group into seven small groups, assign each group a
cluster of topics to discuss (see clusters A-G below).
Examples of Boundaries (4 groups)
Cluster A: Skin (What good does skin keep in and what bad does it keep out?);
words (especially the word no)
Cluster B: Truth (about God and about who you are); time (as in "time away
from")
Cluster C: Geographical distance (removing yourself from a situation); emotional
distance (guarding your heart)
Cluster D: Other people (How can other people help you set and keep boundaries?);
consequences (Why are consequences necessary to strong boundaries?)
Responsibilities That Come with Boundaries (3 groups)
Cluster E: Feelings, attitudes/beliefs, desires
Cluster F: Behaviors, choices, values, thoughts
Cluster G: Limits, talents, love/trust
Continues.
Chapter One
A Day in a Boundaryless Life6:00 A.M.
The alarm jangled. Bleary-eyed from too little sleep,
Sherrie shut off the noisy intruder, turned on the
bedside lamp, and sat up in bed. Looking blankly at the wall,
she tried to get her bearings.
Why am I dreading this day? Lord, didn't you promise
me a life of joy?
Then, as the cobwebs left her mind, Sherrie remembered
the reason for her dread: the four-o'clock meeting with
Todd's third-grade teacher. The phone call returned to her
memory: "Sherrie, this is Jean Russell. I wonder if we could
meet about Todd's performance and his . behavior."
Todd couldn't keep still and listen to his teachers. He
didn't even listen to Sherrie and Walt. Todd was such a
strong-willed child, and she didn't want to quench his spirit.
Wasn't that more important?
"Well, no time to worry about all that," Sherrie said to
herself, raising her thirty-five-year-old body off the bed and
padding to the shower. "I've got enough troubles to keep me
busy all day."
Under the shower, Sherrie's mind moved out of first gear.
She began mentally ticking off the day's schedule. Todd,
nine, and Amy, six, would have been a handful even if sheweren't a working mother.
"Let's see . fix breakfast, pack two lunches, and finish
sewing Amy's costume for the school play. That will be a
trick-finishing sewing the costume before the car pool
picks her up at 7:45 A.M."
Sherrie thought regretfully about last night. She'd
planned to work on Amy's costume then, using her talents to
make a special day for her little girl. But her mother had
dropped over unexpectedly. Good manners dictated that she
play hostess, and another evening was shot. The memories of
her attempts to salvage the time weren't pretty.
Trying to be diplomatic, Sherrie artfully told her mother,
"You can't imagine how much I enjoy your surprise visits,
Mom! But I was wondering, would you mind if I sew Amy's
costume while we talk?" Sherrie cringed inwardly, correctly
anticipating her mother's response.
"Sherrie, you know I'd be the last to intrude on your time
with your family." Sherrie's mother, widowed for twelve
years, had elevated her widowhood to the status of martyrdom.
"I mean, since your father died, it's been such an
empty time. I still miss our family. How could I deprive you
of that for yourself?"
I'll bet I find out how, Sherrie thought to herself.
"That's why I can understand why you don't bring Walt
and the children to see me much anymore. How could I be
entertaining? I'm just a lonely old lady who gave her entire
life to her children. Who would want to spend any time with
me?"
"No, Mom, no, no, no!" Sherrie quickly joined the
emotional minuet she and her mom had been dancing for
decades. "That's not what I meant at all! I mean, it's so
special having you over. Goodness knows, with our schedule,
we'd like to visit more, but we just haven't been able to.
That's why I'm so glad you took the initiative!" Lord, don't
strike me dead for this little lie, she prayed silently.
"In fact, I can do the costume any old time," Sherrie said.Forgive me for this lie, too. "Now, why don't I make us some
coffee?"
Her mother sighed. "All right, if you insist. But I'd just
hate to think I'm intruding."
The visit lasted well into the night. By the time her
mother left, Sherrie felt absolutely crazy, but she justified it
to herself. At least I've helped make her lonely day a little
brighter. Then a pesky voice piped up. If you helped so
much, why was she still talking about her loneliness when
she left? Trying to ignore the thought, Sherrie went to bed.
6:45 A.M.
Sherrie returned to the present. "No use crying over spilt
time, I guess," she mumbled to herself as she struggled to
close the zipper of her black linen skirt. Her favorite suit had
become, as many others had, too tight. Middle-age spread so
soon? she thought. This week, I really have to go on a diet
and start exercising.
The next hour was, as usual, a disaster. The kids whined
about getting out of bed, and Walt complained, "Can't you
get the kids to the table on time?"
7.45 A.M.
Miraculously, the kids made it to their rides, Walt left for
work in his car, and Sherrie went out and locked the front
door after her. Taking a deep breath, she prayed silently,
Lord, I'm not looking forward to this day. Give me something
to hope for. In her car on the freeway, she finished
applying her makeup. Thank the Lord for traffic jams.
8:45 A.M.
Rushing into McAllister Enterprises where she worked
as a fashion consultant, Sherrie glanced at her watch. Only a
few minutes late. Maybe by now her colleagues understood
that being late was a way of life for her and did not expect
her to be on time.
She was wrong. They'd started the weekly executive
meeting without her. Sherrie tried to tiptoe in without being
noticed, but every eye was on her as she struggled into her
seat. Glancing around, she gave a fleeting smile and muttered
something about "that crazy traffic."
11:59 A.M.
The rest of Sherrie's morning proceeded fairly well. A
talented fashion designer, Sherrie had an unerring eye for
attractive clothing and was a valuable asset to McAllister.
The only hitch came just before lunch.
Her extension rang. "Sherrie Phillips."
"Sherrie, thank goodness you're there! I don't know what
I'd have done if you'd been at lunch!" There was no
mistaking this voice. Sherrie had known Lois Thompson
since grade school. A high-strung woman, Lois was always in
crisis. Sherrie had always tried to make herself available to
Lois, to "be there for her." But Lois never asked Sherrie how
she was doing, and when Sherrie mentioned her struggles,
Lois either changed the subject or had to leave.
Sherrie genuinely loved Lois and was concerned about
her problems, but Lois seemed more like a client than a
friend. Sherrie resented the imbalance in their friendship. As
always, Sherrie felt guilty when she thought about her anger
at Lois. As a Christian, she knew the value the Bible placed
on loving and helping others. There I go again, she would
say to herself. Thinking of myself before others. Please,
Lord, let me give to Lois freely and not be so self-centered.
Sherrie asked, "What's the matter, Lois?"
"It's horrible, just horrible," Lois said. "Anne was sent
home from school today, Tom was denied his promotion, and
my car gave out on the freeway!"
This is what my life's like every day! Sherrie thought to
herself, feeling the resentment rising. However, she merely
said, "Lois, you poor thing! How are you coping with all of
this?"
Lois was happy to answer Sherrie's question in great
detail-so much detail that Sherrie missed half her lunch
break consoling her friend. Well, she thought, fast food's
better than no food.
Sitting at the drive-through waiting for her chicken
burger, Sherrie thought about Lois. If all my listening,
consoling, and advice had made any difference over the
years, maybe it would be worth it. But Lois makes the same
mistakes now that she made twenty years ago. Why do I do
this to myself?
4:00 P.M.
Sherrie's afternoon passed uneventfully. She was on the
way out of the office to the teacher's meeting when her boss,
Jeff Moreland, flagged her down.
"Glad I caught up with you, Sherrie," he said. A
successful figure at MacAllister Enterprises, Jeff made things
happen. Trouble was, Jeff often used other people to "make
things happen." Sherrie could sense the hundredth verse of
the same old song tuning up again. "Listen, I'm in a time
crunch," he said, handing her a large sheaf of papers. "This
is the data for the final recommendations for the Kimbrough
account. All it needs is a little writing and editing. And it's
due tomorrow. But I'm sure it'll be no problem for you." He
smiled ingratiatingly.
Sherrie panicked. Jeff's "editing" needs were legendary.
Hefting the papers in her hands, Sherrie saw a minimum of
five hours' work. I had this data in to him three weeks ago!
she thought furiously. Where does this man get off having
me save his face for his deadline?
Quickly she composed herself. "Sure, Jeff. It's no problem
at all. Glad I can help. What time do you need it?"
"Nine o'clock would be fine. And . thanks, Sherrie. I
always think of you first when I'm in a jam. You're so
dependable." Jeff strolled away.
Dependable . faithful . reliable, Sherrie thought.I've always been described this way by people who wanted
something from me. Sounds like a description of a good
mule. Suddenly the guilt hit again. There I am, getting
resentful again. Lord, help me "bloom where I'm planted."
But secretly she found herself wishing she could be transplanted
to another flowerpot.
4:30 P.M.
Jean Russell was a competent teacher, one of many in the
profession who understood the complex factors beneath a
child's problem behavior. The meeting with Todd's teacher
began as so many before, minus Walt. Todd's father hadn't
been able to get off work, so the two women talked alone.
"He's not a bad child, Sherrie," Mrs. Russell reassured
her. "Todd is a bright, energetic boy. When he minds, he's
one of the most enjoyable kids in the class."
Sherrie waited for the ax to fall. Just get to the point,
Jean. I have a "problem child," don t I. What's new? I have
a "problem life" to go with it.
Sensing Sherrie's discomfort, the teacher pressed ahead.
"The problem is that Todd doesn't respond well to limits.
For example, during our task period, when children work on
assignments, Todd has great difficulty. He gets up from his
desk, pesters other kids, and won't stop talking. When I
mention to him that his behavior is inappropriate, he
becomes enraged and obstinate."
Sherrie felt defensive about her only son. "Maybe Todd
has an attention-deficit problem, or he's hyperactive?"
Mrs. Russell shook her head. "When Todd's second-grade
teacher wondered about that last year, psychological
testing ruled that out. Todd stays on task very well when he's
interested in the subject. I'm no therapist, but it seems to me
that he's just not used to responding to rules."
Now Sherrie's defensiveness turned from Todd to herself.
"Are you saying this is some sort of home problem?"
Mrs. Russell looked uncomfortable. "As I said, I'm not a
counselor. I just know that in third grade, most children
resist rules. But Todd is off the scale. Any time I tell him to
do something he doesn't want to it's World War III. And
since all his intellectual and cognitive testing comes out
normal, I was just wondering how things were at home?"
Sherrie no longer tried to hold back the tears. She buried
her head in her hands and wept convulsively for a few
minutes, feeling overwhelmed with everything.
Eventually, her crying subsided. "I'm sorry . I guess
this just hit on a bad day'" Sherrie rummaged in her purse for
a tissue. "No, no, it's more than that. Jean, I need to be
honest with you. Your problems with him are the same as
mine. Walt and I have a real struggle making Todd mind at
home. When we're playing or talking, Todd is the most
wonderful son I could imagine. But any time I have to
discipline him, the tantrums are more than I can handle. So I
guess I don't have any solutions for you."
Jean nodded her head slowly. "It really helps me,
Sherrie, to know that Todd's behavior is a problem at home,
too. At least now we can put our heads together on a
solution."
5:15 P.M.
Sherrie felt strangely grateful for the afternoon rush-hour
traffic. At least there's no one tugging on me here, she
thought. She used the time to plan around her next crises:
kids, dinner, Jeff's project, church, . and Walt.
6:30 P.M.
"For the fourth and last time, dinner's ready!" Sherrie
hated to scream, but what else worked? The kids and Walt
always seemed to shuffle in whenever they felt like it. More
often than not, dinner was cold by the time everyone was
assembled.
Sherrie had no clue what the problem was. She knew it
wasn't the food, because she was a good cook. Besides, once
they got to the table, everyone inhaled it in seconds.
Everyone but Amy. Watching her daughter sit silently,
picking distractedly at her food, Sherrie again felt uneasy.
Amy was such a loveable, sensitive child. Why was she so
reserved? Amy had never been outgoing. She preferred to
spend her time reading, painting, or just sitting in her
bedroom "thinking about stuff."
"Honey, what kind of stuff?" Sherrie would probe.
"Just stuff," would be the usual reply. Sherrie felt shut
out of her daughter's life. She dreamed of mother-daughter
talks, conversations for "just us girls," shopping trips. But
Amy had a secret place deep inside where no one was ever
invited. This unreachable part of her daughter's heart
Sherrie ached to touch.
7:00 P.M.
Halfway through dinner, the phone rang. We really need
to get an answering machine to handle calls during dinner,
Sherrie thought. There's precious little time for us to be
together as a family anymore. Then, as if on cue, another
familiar thought struck her. It might be someone who needs
me.
As always, Sherrie listened to the second voice in her
head and jumped up from the table to answer the phone. Her
heart sank as she recognized the voice on the other end.
"Hope I'm not disturbing anything," said Phyllis Renfrow,
the women's ministries leader at church.
"Certainly you aren't disturbing anything," Sherrie lied
again.
"Sherrie, I'm in deep water," Phyllis said. "Margie was
going to be our activities coordinator at the retreat, and now
she's cancelled. Something about "priorities at home." Any
way you can pitch in?"
The retreat. Sherrie had almost forgotten that the annual
gathering of church women was this weekend. She had
actually been looking forward to leaving the kids and Walt
behind and strolling around the beautiful mountainous area
for two days, just herself and the Lord. In fact, the possibility
of solitude felt better to her than the planned group
activities. Taking on Margie's activities coordinator position
would mean giving up her precious alone time. No, it
wouldn't work. Sherrie would just have to say .
Automatically, the second thought pattern intervened.What a privilege to serve God and these women, Sherrie! By
giving up a little portion of your life, by letting go of your
selfishness, you can make a big difference in some lives.
Think it over.
Sherrie didn't have to think it over.
Continues.
