Chapter One
Why Does a Mom Need
Professional Affiliations?
* * *
After being a stay-at-home mom for a season, I said to my husband, "I am the only person
in my office! Where are my coworkers?" After spending four years in college and then
holding down several jobs in the workforce before making the shift to becoming a "Chief
Home Officer," I found the isolation of full-time motherhood almost too much to bear.
I was organizationally challenged-always tripping over clutter. My marriage was struggling
with the demands of small children taking priority over my husband. Laundry and
dishes seemed to be screaming at me all the time, and I felt I could never keep up with the
housework. My children were moving through developmental stages that included temper
tantrums, pushing the boundaries, bedtime struggles, and more. Am I the only mom feeling
so overwhelmed? I asked myself. I must be, because everyone else seems to have it
together, I concluded. Here I was at home with two small children, feeling emotionally
depleted much of the time, and thinking, I went to four years of college for this? My vision
faded, my energies waned, and my self-worth plummeted.
That was 14 years ago. Now after 20 years of marriage and with five children, motherhood
is still my profession. My children range from ages 7 to 18, and I have found that the
emotions I experience in motherhood are the same emotions most moms experience. I've
also learned that I have a huge need in my life to connect with other mothers who are experiencing
the same joys and struggles as I am. Over the years I have found my moms groups
to be the primary vehicle for connecting with my coworkers, learning about marriage, and
sharing the joys as well as the struggles of parenting.
I found myself at home quite by accident. When my husband decided to pursue an
advanced degree, our plan included my finding a job teaching music in the local school system.
But there were no openings for a music teacher at any grade level in our new community.
Because we lived on a college campus, we decided I would offer day care in our
home to provide for our family financially. Little did I anticipate that my heart and my life
would be changed as I discovered the value of being at home with my children.
We eventually moved again, and I found myself at home with my children in a city
where I knew no one. Loneliness set in, and I felt ill-equipped to do this mothering job well.
After meeting a few moms at our new church, I decided to take a risk. I asked eight moms
to join me one Wednesday morning to talk about the possibility of having a moms group
that would meet weekly. Every mom I invited came that morning. I hired a college student
to watch our kids in the basement while we met upstairs and talked about our needs as
wives and moms. We decided we would read a book together and talk about one chapter
each week. One of the craftier women asked if she could provide a craft project for us every
once in a while, and even those of us who were craft-challenged agreed that we would enjoy
that on occasion. Another mom offered to organize snacks for the moms and the kids. Little
did we know we were on our way to experiencing something that would change our lives
forever.
The camaraderie we experienced enriched our lives and helped us realize we were not
alone in our profession. The education we received equipped us with knowledge and strategy.
The encouragement we provided one another kept us going when we felt like quitting.
The friendships that developed extended beyond our Wednesday mornings as we learned
how to live life together. The laughter we shared helped us keep our sanity in the midst of
the chaos of raising small children. And the tears we shed with one another taught us how
to be honest and move beyond surface relationships.
Because coming together once a week was meeting our needs, we couldn't help but
share the excitement with other moms. By the end of our first year, our group had grown
to 15. By the end of the second year, we had 30 participants, and we no longer fit in my living
room. We eventually moved to a church building and saw the group grow to 60 women
in the third year. In the years following, the growth continued to more than 150 women
attending what we now call Mom2Mom.
Why was there such exponential growth? Because the needs of mothers at home are
very real. We no longer live in a society where young mothers are naturally mentored by
their mothers or grandmothers. Mom or Grandma may be in the workforce herself and
unavailable for one-on-one mentoring and encouragement in the daily struggles a mom
faces. Or, in our transient society, they may live too far away to be able to lend such encouragement
and assistance. Young women are becoming moms and feeling ill-equipped to handle
all that marriage and motherhood require. Many have limited cooking skills. Some
struggle to keep a home organized. Still others come into marriage and motherhood with
poor interpersonal relationship skills. At the very least, moms face isolation when they are
home for a season, because their neighborhoods are empty. Many of their female neighbors
are at work outside the home. Moms need a place where they can learn about marriage,
motherhood, homemaking, budgeting, and more. They need a place to meet other women
who are committed to the profession of motherhood just as they are. Ultimately they need
a place where they can be introduced to a God who loves them very much and wants to
partner with them in parenthood.
PROFESSIONAL AFFILIATIONS
When I was studying to be a music teacher, I was encouraged to be a part of MENC:
Music Educators National Conference. Each time I attended an MENC event, I returned
home with new ideas for the classroom, fresh vision for the importance of music education,
and an excitement about my at-the-time chosen profession.
In the same way, moms need a professional affiliation that includes events from which
they can return home with new ideas, fresh vision for the importance of motherhood, and
an excitement about their chosen profession. It's a proven fact that people who are involved
in professional development activities are enriched by a sense of "belonging"; they stay in
their profession longer. Women who experience a moms group are more likely to be comfortable
with their chosen profession of motherhood. They experience a higher level of job
satisfaction, and they become better wives and mothers as they are exposed to good
resources and teaching about taking care of a family and a home.
When a professional affiliation includes the faith component, a mom is also on her way
to understanding the importance of a friendship with God. She experiences an improvement
in her quality of life when an eternal perspective is a part of the picture. Most of all,
she has the opportunity to hear about a saving relationship with Jesus Christ in a setting
that speaks directly to her needs.
FROM MY [??] TO YOURS
What makes a good moms group? Why did Mom2Mom flourish even when the media
told us that being at home was a thing of the past? I believe it comes down to two basic
things: addressing felt needs and building solid leadership.
There are many different types of moms groups that you can start or choose to be a
part of. Different personalities, different seasons of life, and different needs all factor into
choosing which kind of group you want to pursue. Yet the basic components of a healthy
group are the same regardless of the size or style. If you are thinking about starting a moms
group, my hope is that you will find both encouragement and the practical how-to's to make
your vision a reality. If you already are involved in a moms group, my prayer is that you will
find fresh vision and new ideas to make your group the best it can be.
(Continues.)
