Chapter One
Living in the Meantime
When Faith Feels like a Fairy Tale
* * *
[In] the fairy tale of the Gospel,
the one crucial difference from all
other fairy tales . is that the claim
made for it is that it is true, that it
not only happened once upon a time
but has kept on happening ever since
and is happening still.
Frederick Buechner
He didn't come," Buttercup sighs, when her true love
doesn't rescue her as she expected. In S. Morgenstern's
classic tale The Princess Bride, Buttercup tries to hang on to
Westly's words "I will always come for you." But life leads
her through seas of eel-infested waters and a fire swamp
full of quicksand. Behind the scenes visible to Buttercup,
Westly is fighting untold battles to save her from the wicked
Prince Humperdinck, who has waged war with him over
Buttercup. Occasionally Westly makes an appearance to
remind her of his vow, help her fight off R.O.U.S.'s
(Rodents Of Unusual Size), find her way through the bog
of eternal stench.
"I will always come for you."
"How can you be sure?" Buttercup asks.
"Because it's true love."
Reassured at the sight of her Westly, Buttercup vows
never to doubt again. But Humperdinck doesn't give up
his relentless efforts to lure her away from her true love. At
last he succeeds in deceiving Buttercup, convincing her
that Westly is dead, and she agrees to marry Humperdinck.
As the solemn wedding ceremony between Buttercup and
Humperdinck nears its conclusion, Westly is fighting his
way past castle guards, clambering past soldiers on horseback,
to claim his bride before it's too late. Humperdinck
hears the ruckus outside, knows Westly is on his way, and
rushes the priest to conclude the ceremony, not realizing
they've left out the marital vows. As Humperdinck prepares
to fight Westly, he sends Buttercup to her room,
where she prepares to end her life. But just before she
thrusts a dagger into her chest, a wounded and bedraggled
Westly limps to her bedchamber for a final standoff with
Humperdinck. At last Westly has arrived just in time,
coming for her as he always said he would.
The dilemmas of The Princess Bride are common to us as
Christian women. Like Buttercup, as we slog through the
quicksand and bogs of everyday life, glimpses and reminders
of our True Love help us hang on to hope and believe invisible
truths. When we see sure evidence of Christ's presence
and blessing, we vow never to doubt again. But then Rodents
Of Unusual Size attack. We can't see Jesus, and it's hard to
believe he's really there. We become fearful, disillusioned,
and wonder if he has forgotten us. We don't feel his love or
see any outward evidence of it in our lives, and it's hard to
keep believing that he does love us. Amazingly, whether we
doubt him or trust him, Christ continues to fight untold
battles behind the scenes on our behalf. But sometimes we
lose track of what keeps the gospel ringing true.
When I became a Christian in my mid-twenties, I set
out to be an ideal Christian wife and mother, to serve
effectively in the church, to have strong faith and share it
eagerly with people around me. But I knew nothing of the
heart of God, his lavish love for us, how to be close to him,
or how to recognize blessings in disguise. Over the years I
began to discover God's grace through my failures and
weaknesses instead of through my strengths. I discovered
the love of people I cared for by being vulnerable and
admitting my own human frailty instead of by chasing a
mirage of perfection. I started to realize that I was surrounded
by love and blessing, but it wasn't happening at all
the way I had once expected it to. Instead of focusing on
trusting God, I had been fixated on being an efficient
Christian and getting results to my prayers.
What disappointments have invaded your life, altering
your plans, shattering your dreams, taking you far away from
the vision and hopes you once
had for yourself and people you
love when you first began your
life with Christ? Perhaps you've
been divorced or have longed for
a child but never had one. Maybe
one of your children has chosen
the path of a prodigal. Perhaps a
business failure drove you to
bankruptcy and you've never
recovered your financial stability.
Maybe you have never healed
from an abusive relationship that
scarred you as a little girl.
If our belief in the Christian
life is limited to getting
what we want for ourselves and
our families-"blessing" on our
own terms-we're believing in a predictable, mechanical
God. That's not authentic faith. We are created for God's
glory and pleasure, not our own, though often he delights
in giving us what we want and ask for. But to believe
throughout life's ups and downs, no matter what they are,
the truth of the gospel-that Christ loved us enough to die
for us; that abundant life in Christ is really not about
doing it all, having it all, being it all, or knowing it all but
about knowing him through it all-is to practice authentic
faith.
I call it Fairy Tale Faith because it is the true story of your
life as it really is-not as you thought it should be-the life
that God has promised to be with you through, moment by
moment. Though we relish remembering the happy endings
of fairy tales, we may forget that even the heroes and
heroines of such classic lore must endure heartrending
trials before their lives end happily ever after. So it will be
in our lives as Christians.
What have been your perplexing dilemmas, the struggles
and disappointments you didn't expect to encounter
once you believed the gospel? Ironically, the very trials
that threaten to convince us we're not fit to be daughters of
God often become his means of taking over our hearts,
claiming us inch by inch. In the midst of our flawed,
imperfect lives Christ's love reaches beyond our limitations
and imperfections with an overcoming compassion-not
erasing our pain, our past, our problems, but living
with us through them, leaving us with an incurable hope
and longing for what is to come.
Information or Transformation?
"I try to have strong faith and believe God's love and forgiveness
are mine," Valerie said. "But it doesn't work. It's
like trying to believe in some stupid fairy tale-I just don't
get it. What is faith, really?"
After years of early sexual promiscuity and several
abortions, Valerie had tried hard to believe that God loved
her and had forgiven her. It sounded so simple-just read
the black and white words on the pages of the Bible and
walk in faith, right? As the saying goes, "God said it, I
believe it, and that settles it." Valerie, now the wife of a
seminary professor, had no trouble believing God had
created her and blessed her from the beginning in her
mother's womb. During her little-girl days she'd heard
stories about King Jesus. She knew for certain that Christ
would return one day to take her to live in his heavenly castle.
But as Valerie squarely faced her doubts about God's
love for her today, after she'd made so many poor choices
and mistakes, she grew increasingly discouraged.
Over the course of Valerie's therapy we had discussed
past wounds. She had vented anger and hurt feelings,
prayed for forgiveness and healing, and claimed scriptural
truths. Valerie's brain was jam-packed with Bible facts, yet
she could not grasp the basic truth that she was completely
forgiven and that Jesus loved her enough to die for her just
as she was, mistakes and all.
Near the end of one of her counseling sessions, it
occurred to me that although Valerie had accumulated a
lot of information about God, it didn't appear to be
making a meaningful difference in the way she lived. She
knew she was supposed to trust God, but she had no clue
about how to do it. She knew the
Christian life was supposed to be
about a relationship with Christ, yet
she had no real sense of connection
to him. Her faith had taken on the
feel of a fantasy story because her
life was not unfolding as happily or
predictably as she had expected. I
thought briefly of how I'd lived the
first twenty years of my Christian
life ignorant of the difference
between accumulating information
and experiencing transformation,
between head knowledge about God
and heartfelt awareness of him.
Perhaps, like me, Valerie was longing
to know God in her heart as well
as in her head.
I asked her if she'd be willing to spend five minutes
each day at the end of her personal worship time just being
still and quiet in the presence of God, setting her Bible
and prayer list aside. If a phrase or verse from her reading
had jumped out at her, she might hold it in her mind and
heart, savoring its truth, or picture its reality. I hoped God
might break through the barrier of the involuntary
emotional isolation that had kept Valerie in bondage for
so many years. She didn't know how to slow down, be still,
and know God by engaging in an interactive, personal
relationship with him. We'll take a deeper look at this in
chapter 9.
Several weeks passed. At first Valerie said the "five
minutes with God" seemed unproductive, like a total waste
of time to just sit silently after she'd completed her study
and prayer. But with a little encouragement she kept at it.
Then one day Valerie came into my office smiling.
"One day as I was sitting still after reading through the
fifth chapter of Romans," she said, "a phrase from verse 8
kept replaying in my mind: 'God showed his great love
for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still
sinners' [NLT]. While we were still sinners . Christ
died for us While we were still sinners. It was as if I'd never
known that truth before, never seen that depth of love, to
care so much for me even before I'd acknowledged my
need of a Savior."
Valerie silently stared out the window as tears welled
up in her eyes. "A mental picture began to form in my
mind-Jesus hanging on the cross, for the love of sinners-sinners
like me. For a few moments I felt completely
loved, forgiven, and accepted. It was something I knew
not only up here," she said, pointing a finger at her forehead,
"but I knew it here." She placed her hand over her
heart. "I think maybe I'm discovering something new
about faith."
Valerie had led a disciplined spiritual life for years.
Yet the memories of past sins she'd confessed hundreds
of times had continued to haunt her, keeping her from
embracing God's grace. She had never understood what
it meant to trust an invisible God when life had taught
her not to trust people, not even herself. She hadn't
known how to slow down and wait for the truths of Scripture
to speak to her personally, here and now, to seep
down past her intellect into her heart, engaging her in a
meaningful relationship with the God who had written
the Word to her.
The Only True Fairy Tale
* * *
We don't look at the troubles we can
see right now; rather, we look forward
to what we have not yet seen. For the
troubles we see will soon be over,
but the joys to come will last forever.
2 Corinthians 4:18, NLT
When you look at the cold, hard facts of your life, does the
evidence of God's grace seem to be stacked against you
rather than for you, giving the gospel the feel of a fairy
tale-a story too good to be true? Perhaps, like Valerie, you
have no problem believing God created you and blessed
you in your mother's womb. As a little girl you may have
learned to sing "Jesus Loves Me" and even clapped your
hands and danced to the joyful tune. Now that you are
grown, perhaps you also know with certainty that Jesus is
coming one day to take you to live with him in heaven.
Once upon a Time and Happily Ever After are easy. But
maybe in the Meantime your faith in God sometimes feels
like something you should have outgrown by fourth grade.
In The Uses of Enchantment, noted child psychologist and
author Bruno Bettelheim explains why children need fairy
tales: "The fairy tale . takes these existential anxieties and
dilemmas very seriously and addresses itself directly to them:
the need to be loved and the fear that one is thought worthless;
the love of life, and the fear of death." By the time we've
outgrown childhood, we all know that fairy tales are not true
stories. But who among us could honestly say they no longer
have doubts or fears about these same dilemmas: life, death,
and especially those all-too-pervasive feelings of worthlessness?
As Christians we need to exercise the freedom to admit
that we still struggle with life's complexities instead of pretend
we've mastered them. Even though we may have
matured in years, we will never outgrow our childlike need to
trust God. Perhaps this is part of what Christ had in mind
when he said, "Anyone who becomes as humble as this little
child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven" (Matthew
18:4, NLT). In Dallas Willard's book The Divine Conspiracy he
writes, "Interestingly, 'growing up' is largely a matter of
learning to hide our spirit behind our face, eyes, and language
so that we can evade and manage others to achieve what
we want and avoid what we fear. By contrast, the child's face is
a constant epiphany because it doesn't yet know how to do
this. It cannot manage its face. This is also true of adults in
moments of great feeling-which is one reason why feeling is
both greatly treasured and greatly feared."
Just as children need fairy tales, we grown-ups need a
story of truth to hang our hopes on. The gospel of Jesus
Christ is the only true story genuine enough to interface
with our honest doubts and fears, pervasive enough to
respond to all the existential dilemmas of human adult life.
That God would love sinners enough to send his Son to die
for us, even in the midst of our sins, is a truth so profound,
so far beyond our understanding, that at times, trying to
believe it may have the feel of fantasy as we try to reconcile it
with the circumstances of our lives. Yet it is the essence of
absolute truth. Placing our faith in Jesus Christ throughout
our everyday lives is not sweet-sounding make-believe or
magical thinking. It's a truth-based, experiential, present-moment
practice of intimacy with God that leads to the
only solid foundation for the Christian's healthy self-esteem
-God's unlimited, unqualified, undeserved love for
human beings. Experiencing this kind of relationship is
something we can live during these days of the Meantime
even though we can't have the uninterrupted blissful union
with God our hearts long for until we get to heaven.
Continues.
