Chapter One
Girls Your If-Only Self
I'd be happier if only .
* THE ISSUE
The world's primary message to adolescent and teen girls is you might be happy and
content, but you'd be happier and more content if you changed your appearance, changed your
fashion style, changed your friends, had the right guy, and (especially important) spent a lot of
money on a funky pair of shoes.
introduction
Delvin' In
When you think about the challenges that face
today's teenaged girls, what comes to mind first?
Anorexia? Depression? Pregnancy? Divorced
parents? Sexuality issues? Yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes
again. The list of challenges is endless and many
vie for first mention. When psychologists, parents,
and youth workers finally have one problem
identified, labeled, and possibly under control,
another one rears its ugly head. That pattern is
likely to continue in this age of whirlwind change
and millisecond advancements.
Though adolescent girls face numerous
challenges as they mature, perhaps the greatest
one has to do with physical appearances. In the
best-selling book, Reviving Ophelia, author Mary
Pipher says, "At thirteen, many girls spend more
time in front of a mirror than they do on their
studies. Small flaws become obsessions. Bad hair
can ruin a day. A broken fingernail can feel tragic
. Girls feel an enormous pressure to be
beautiful and are aware of the constant
evaluations of their appearance . 'Every day in
the life of a woman is a walking Miss America
Contest'" (Reviving Ophelia, Mary Pipher,
Ballantine, 1994, page 55).
Guys have a hard time understanding this,
probably because they aren't continually
bombarded with images of a perfect body, perfect
hair, perfect complexion, perfect everything. "I
hate it when girls talk about their weight," said
one high school guy. "Who cares, anyway?" Nice
sentiment, but it's a sure bet that he does care
about a girl's weight, and it's even more sure that
the girls in his school know it.
Take some time this week to flip through a
few teen magazines. Pay attention to the
commercials that are aired during prime time.
Glance at all the beauty and dieting products that
are sold in every grocery and discount
department store. If it's been a while since you've
been a teenager, you need to spend a little time
recalling those feelings of "I'm not good enough.
I'm not pretty enough. I'm not thin enough." If
your teen years aren't too far in the past, you can
probably recall those feelings with ease.
Before you point your girls toward their true
identity (the subject of the third session), help
them recognize the false identity the world is
selling them. And then clarify that beauty is not
an evil thing in itself, rather it is the worship of
beauty that leads down a dangerous path.
opening activity
Warmin' Up
You'll need-
Index cards or small pieces
of paper
Masking tape
Marker
Who Am I?
Write the names of
well-known females
on the index cards-one
name on each
card. You can use athletes, musicians, actresses,
politicians, authors, local celebrities. The names
should all be familiar to your girls. If you have a
group of five or less, have one girl come to the
front. Then tape one name card on the wall
behind her so that the others can see it but she
can't. Explain the activity like this-
The card I just hung up has the name
of a famous female on it.[Name of girl]has to figure out whose name is on the
card. She may only ask yes or no
questions. She can direct her
questions to the entire group or to any
individual in the group. Her goal is to
name the person in as few questions
as possible.
TIP
If the student up front is having a hard
time even after asking a number of
questions, give a leading hint like, "This
person is a musician" or "This person died
about 10 years ago." Give a helpful hint
but don't make it too specific.
Have a volunteer keep track of how many
questions she asks. Repeat the process with the
other girls.
If you have a group of six or more, tape an
index card with a name written on it onto the
back of each girl. Then give an explanation like
this-
Each of you has the name of a famous
female taped on your back. It's your
job to figure out who she is by asking
each other yes-or-no questions. For
example, you can ask, "Is my person
an athlete?" but you may not ask, "What kind of work does she do?"
Once you've asked one question, you
have to move to a different person-one
question per person at a time.
You can answer one question at a
time from each person you ask a
question of. The goal is to see who
can name her famous female first.
Let the students mingle for several minutes while
asking questions. When each person has figured
out her name (or after 10 minutes), pull your
group together and ask questions like these-
* What kind of questions were most
helpful in identifying your person
(questions about occupation? appearance? age?)?
* What makes your person famous?
* What do you admire about your person?
* If your person is well-liked, what do you
think draws people to her?
exploring the topic
Diggin' a Little Deeper
Transition with something like this-
We mainly identify people by
appearance and by occupation. Each
woman we identified in the game is
famous because of what she does and
is probably described as something
like "gorgeous" or "talented, but not
very pretty."
The world's idea of personal
identity can be pretty shallow. It's
all based on exteriors. Exterior
appearance. Exterior activities.
Exterior fame. Let's take a look at
how the world identifies and
defines women.
Choose one or more of the following activities.
option [group activity]
Who Wants to Look
Like a Million Dollars?
You'll need-
A stack of teen and fashion
magazines
Copies of Who Wants to
Look Like a Million Dollars?(page 18) one for each group
Pens
Divide your girls
into groups of two
or three. Explain to
them that you're
going to take a look
at how the world
defines young women.
Hand out
several magazines,
pens, and one copy of Who Wants to Look
Like a Million Dollars? (page 18) to each group.
Give them about 10 minutes to look through the
magazines and fill out the worksheet as a group.
When the groups have their lists made, come
together and discuss the results with some
questions-
* What's the main focus of the ads you saw?
* Why do you think people respond to
these ads?
* What motivates you personally to buy
some of these products?
* In what ways do the
advertised products define
who you are?
* What if-only's do these ads
target, and what are the
promised results? For example, "If only I had a better
complexion, I would be more
popular."
Then summarize by saying something like this-
The way advertisers get your attention
is by displaying a beautiful model and
trying to convince you that all women
should look that way. If only you
looked that way, your life would be
better than it is now. If only your life
were better than it is now, you'd be
happier and more popular than you
are now. We all know that's not how it
works. No shampoo, no diet pill, no
makeup, no piece of clothing can
make you look like the person in that
ad. Do you know that models, with
their beauty and body shapes, represent only about one-tenth of one
percent of the world's population? (And often photographs of them are
digitally improved!) It's impossible for
most of us to look like that. But many
of us keep trying anyway.
It wasn't so long ago that you were mired in that old stagnant life
of sin. You let the world, which doesn't know the first thing about
living, tell you how to live.
-from Ephesians 2, The Message.
option [video clip discussion] Clueless
You'll need-
Clueless
TV and VCR
Show the clip fromClueless when Tai, the
new girl at school, is
rescued by two clueless
but fashion-savvy girls who transform this plain
Jane into a supermodel. (There are also make-over
clips in She's All That or Grease if you prefer.)
Don't love the world's ways. Don't love the world's goods. Love of the
world squeezes out love for the Father. Practically everything that goes
on in the world-wanting your own way, wanting everything for
yourself, wanting to appear important-has nothing to do with the
Father. It just isolates you from him. The world and all its wanting,
wanting, wanting is on the way out-but whoever does what God
wants is set for eternity.
-from 1 John 2, The Message
0:24:50 "I met a really cute guy."
0:26:54 Tai admires herself in the mirror as the
"Supermodel" song ends.
Follow up with some discussion questions-
* Why is there so much pressure on teen
girls to look, walk, and act a certain way?
* Do most teen girls change something
about their appearance or behavior to fit
our culture's expectations for them? Explain. What characteristics are most
commonly changed?
* Do girls put more energy into having the
right look or into the having the right
personality? Why do you think that?
* Why do you think so many girls buy into
the idea, "If I can just get the right look, then things will be great"?
* Can you think of a movie or TV show
where the heroine doesn't fit our
culture's definition of A-okay? Tell about
her.
option [solo activity]
If Only
You'll need-
Copies of If only (page 19)
one for each student
Pens
Bibles
Make sure each girl
has a copy of If
Only (page 19),
pens, and a Bible.
Give them about 10
minutes to answer
the questions. Gather the group together and ask
some follow-up questions-
* Are your if-only's all possible? Why do
you think that?
* If your if-only's really happen, how would
your life change?
* Think of the activity you love to do the
most and that brings you the greatest
happiness. Can your if-only's make you
happier than that?
* Is it possible to ignore advertising
messages? If yes, how can it be done?
* What's the hardest part about rejecting
the view of beauty and success
promoted through advertising?
* What does the Bible say about our
culture's ideas on beauty and success?
Bible study
Gettin' into the Word
You'll need-
Bibles
The Hemorrhaging Woman
Mark 5:24-34
Move into the Bible
study by saying something
like-
One word describes our culture's way
of identifying each of you as
individuals-change. Change your
hair from straight to curly, curly to
straight. Change your hair from
brown to blonde or blonde to red.
Change your weight from whatever
you weigh now to something lighter.
Change your eye makeup from bold
to natural, natural to subtle. Change
your clothes from casual to chic, chic
to urban. Change this and that and
everything else and then maybe, just
maybe, you'll be beautiful, successful, and happy.
The trouble is, each of us is unique.
No matter how much I change, I can't
become another person. Neither can
you.
There's a story in the Bible about a
woman who, according to the world, was neither beautiful nor successful. In
fact, people avoided her like the
plague. Let's look at it.
Nudgers (nuj´erz) n. a tool used to gently push
teens toward new insight
* Imagine being known as
unclean to everyone
around you.
* Imagine having no
physical contact with
anyone for 12 years.
* Imagine having spent all
your time and money
looking for a cure, with
no success.
* Imagine the risks for an
unclean woman to
enter a crowd of
thousands.
* Imagine the fear when
Jesus said, "Who
touched me?"
* Imagine the moment
when all eyes turned to
you, the woman known
as unclean.
* Imagine having the
chance to tell Jesus your
story, face to face.
* Imagine having Jesus
look in your eyes and
call you "Daughter."
Read Mark 5:24-34 to your students, or ask one
or two students to read it to the group. Use the
following to help process the story-
* Describe what the woman's life might
have been like for the past 12 years.
* Even though the woman's condition was
internal, how might it have affected her
externally?
* What might the woman have been
thinking and feeling when she first
entered the crowd? Explain your thoughts.
* In what ways does Jesus show this
woman that she has worth and value in
his eyes? (You may want to point out that
during the time of these events, women
were treated as property, had virtually no
legal rights, were considered uneducable
and unreliable as witnesses in court, and
would not be spoken to by Jewish men in
public.)
* How may the woman's view of herself
have changed after talking with Jesus? Why do you think so?
* What do you think affected the woman
more-being physically healed or meeting
Jesus? Explain.
Finish with something like this-
The world tries to define us by its own
standards. Because those standards are
nearly impossible to achieve, many of
us are left feeling unattractive, unaccepted, and substandard. But the
world is wrong. Your worth is not
measured by how you look, what you
wear, or who your boyfriend is. Don't let
the world tell you who you are. Let
Jesus tell you. You are valuable as you
are because God created you and loves
you.
closing
Takin' It to Heart
You'll need-
Copies of On the HomeFront (Page 20). One for
each student
Before you pass outOn the Home
Front (page 20),
explain how you
would like your girls
to use it-perhaps as
homework or as an optional devotional guide
during the week. If you express expectations, be
sure to include follow-up during the next lesson.
Distribute the handout as your girls are leaving.
TIP
Look ahead to Session 10,Through the
Looking Glass. To have a special
closing celebration, allow plenty of time
for planning, delegating, organizing, and preparing.
Continues.
