Chapter One
Sink Your RootsIt arrived without warning. I (Dennis) was at work
when I happened to look out the window; the
beautiful blue sky I'd admired minutes earlier was now
filled with ominous black clouds. Soon rain pelted the
ground, followed by a fierce wind that twisted trees at an
impossible angle. Then the tornado siren shrieked. We
scrambled away from our desks and searched for cover;
many of us huddled under a concrete stairwell in the
basement. The radio confirmed our greatest fear-the
tornado was headed our way.
As 120-mph winds shattered windows and shook the
walls, several of us prayed. I thought of my family and
prayed for their safety (I discovered later that the tornado
missed our home by less than three blocks). After five
harrowing minutes, the wind subsided and the sun
returned. We'd survived! Thankfully, no one was hurt.
I stepped outside to view the damage. The tornado
had touched down just fifty feet away, tearing out several
massive pine trees before hopping over our office building
and uprooting more monster pines. I was surprised to see
that the root clumps of the uprooted trees were not that
large. Then I noticed, not far away, a majestic, ancient oak
that looked almost untouched. It was missing just a few
broken limbs.
Later I learned that the pine trees in our region have
a shallow root system, which is why several of those green,
towering beauties became firewood. But the root system of
an oak tree plunges deep into the soil, enabling it to
withstand even a tornado's fury.
The roots make the difference.
What kind of spiritual root system does a healthy
Christian family require? If we want to develop unshakable
leadership for a family-the kind of strength that will
resist life's tornadoes-we need spiritual roots like the oak
tree. The best way we know to ensure such deep roots is to
first make sure the parents are becoming "oaks of
righteousness" (Isaiah 61:3). Parents need to grow in their
faith and become sturdy disciples of Christ. Jesus said:
"Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot
bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so
neither can you unless you abide in Me. I am the
vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me
and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from
Me you can do nothing." (John 15:4-5)
Followers of Christ have understood for centuries the
critical importance of certain spiritual activities that mark
the life of a growing disciple. We will list three basics,
though certainly there are more. If you will make a
priority of just these, you will develop a deep root system
that will bear up against the storms of life and make you
and your spouse steady spiritual leaders of your family.
A Personal Daily Experience
with Jesus Christ
To grow and become all that God created you to be, you
must submit to Jesus Christ as lord, master, and maker of
your life. The spiritual journey of following Him is not a
list of do's and don'ts, but rather a moment-by-moment
encounter with Jesus. Growth occurs in our lives as we
submit to Him, walk with Him by faith, and obey Him.
The following is not a checklist, but rather proven
spiritual disciplines that help us grow as followers of Him.
How you go about implementing them is your call, but
applying these basics over time will transform a "baby
Christian" into a mature follower of Christ.
• Prayer. Good communication is the key in any
thriving relationship. This is certainly true with
God, too. Scripture urges us to "pray without
ceasing" (1 Thessalonians 5:17), to pray about
everything (Philippians 4:6-7), and in prayer to
give thanks in everything (1 Thessalonians 5:18).
• Bible Study. Scripture is our owner's manual for the
Christian life. Make the Bible your constant go-to
source for decision making, for the truth about
God's character, His ways, and His promises, and
for tips on how better to follow Him.
• Worship. We are commanded to worship God, individually and collectively. If we are failing
to faithfully worship God, not just on Sunday
but in our everyday moments, we probably are
worshiping something else.
• Giving/Service. We are stewards of many personal, material, and financial resources. God has told us
that it is better to give than to receive. We need to
reap the joy of giving graciously like our Father in
heaven gives to us. A type of giving is to serve
others in the name of Christ, particularly those
who are destitute or lonely.
• Fellowship. Don't miss out on a huge benefit of
being a Christian-connection to the body of
Christ. When you and your family assemble together
(Hebrews 10:25) in a strong local church-a place
where the Scriptures are taught as God's inspired
Word-the wisdom and encouragement of fellow
believers will help you effectively lead and grow
your family spiritually.
• Witness. We have the job of acting on Jesus'
behalf to reconcile the lost to God. This includes
befriending neighbors and others who are not
believers and planting and reaping the seeds of the
Gospel.
True Friends
Spiritual growth usually occurs in the context of
relationships. We all need people close to us-not just to
enjoy friendship and fellowship, but also to reap the
benefits of mutual accountability. Both the husband and
wife need at least one close, same-sex Christian friend (this
is especially true for a single parent). And at least one
other couple needs to know how the two of you are doing
in your marriage.
We have a pair of friends, a couple, upon whom we
frequently lean for counsel, advice, and balance. We
discuss everything from discipling children to finances,
home maintenance, managing pressure, and even thorny
theological issues. We have experienced the "sheltering
tree" of their friendship.
A small group of peers can often provide these
accountability relationships. Ideally you will be part of a
group of friends who are all seeking
to grow individually and together as
followers of Christ. (See page 96 for
information about HomeBuilders, the
world's fastest-growing small group
study.)
Authentic Living
Real life begins at home. The
toughest place to be a daily,
consistent follower of Christ is
around the house. When you are at
home, surrounded by a mate who
knows you well and several little
disciples who are intently observing
your every word and move, it's hard to
keep up a front for long. And you shouldn't. If you have
a vital relationship with Jesus Christ, just live it out as
honestly and consistently as you can. God will take care
of the rest.
There are many ways to show your family that you are
serious about following in the footsteps of Jesus Christ,
but two in particular really count: Admitting your
mistakes and asking for forgiveness when you mess up in
a relationship-especially with one of your children.
As humbling as it is, quite often you can get a "two
for one" and demonstrate both of these qualities at the
same time! It's best to initiate this approach when your
children are small. (Then it may not feel so humiliating
when they're older!)
I (Barbara) remember a time when our daughter,
Ashley, was about four months old. I was attempting to
change her diaper, and she was being extra squirmy. I
didn't explode and yell at her, but I was impatient. My
conscience was tweaked. I thought, I should apologize to her.
But does this make sense? She's only a few months old! She won't
remember or understand. Yet I knew it was the chance to
begin a pattern of apologizing when I
made a mistake with my child. I told
Ashley I was sorry and asked her to
forgive me. That apology was good for
her and me!
When this happens with an older
child, I believe the key is to tell your
daughter or son what Scripture says
God expects from us when we wrong
another person. If we brush things
aside, in effect we are sending the message, "I did this
and that's okay. But you can't get away with it." That's
when children get very confused. But when a parent can
admit a mistake to a child, ask for forgiveness, and take
the whole situation to God, then there is hope you both
will learn from your mistake. Spiritual growth can't
occur in a heart that is too stubborn to admit its
mistakes.
When our son, Samuel, was fifteen, I (Dennis) was
supposed to pick him up after a tennis practice. I had told
him I might be a few minutes late in order to wrap up
tasks at the office. But an urgent phone call came in, and
I ended up arriving fifty minutes late. Samuel was
nowhere in sight. After many more minutes I finally
caught up with him.
When Samuel climbed in the car, I looked him in the
eye and said, "Son, I am really sorry. I let you down. I want
you to be able to count on me as your dad. Will you
forgive me?"
"Sure Dad, no problem," he said.
Does that sound simple? It is-sort of. Admitting
your faults to your teenage son takes some courage and
swallowing of pride. But if we want every member of
the family to be spiritually strong, we have to respond
to our Lord and walk the way He walked-not just
talk about it.
How is your root system? Does it barely reach below
the surface, or does it stretch deep into the soil? Invest
the necessary time and energy to be "like a tree planted
by the water, that extends its roots by a stream and will
not fear when the heat comes; but its leaves will be green,
and it will not be anxious in a year of drought nor cease
to yield fruit" (Jeremiah 17:8).
Isn't that what we all seek? We want a family of
fruitful "trees" that flourish no matter what-a grove
filled with "oaks of righteousness."
