Chapter One
YOU What's Paul Got to Do With It? Your Theology about Men and Women
As soon as I read these two words in the Ph.D. catalog, I knew it was
the degree for me: practical theology. I had never seen the phrase
before, but it immediately resonated with me. Some people joke that
"practical theology" is an oxymoron, just like "military intelligence"
or "jumbo shrimp." Instead, I counter that it's a redundancy. Our
theology is inherently practical. Every aspect of our lives, from how
we treat the planet to how we treat other drivers, is shaped by what
we think about God.
When it comes to women in ministry, our theology and our
practices are intricately connected to one another. So if we're going
to have better practices, we need better theology. Whether you're a
theological novice or a veteran fluent in the original Greek, it's time
to wrestle with the tough questions about women in leadership until
you pin down some answers.
Start Local
Have you ever looked your senior pastor right in the eyes and asked
him or her what they think about women in ministry? Are there any
positions of leadership they think women shouldn't hold? If so, why?
If not, why not? Make it your goal to listen, ask some questions, and
then listen some more.
The Wesleyan Quad
John Wesley, the wise nineteenth-century pastor and theologian,
taught that there are four ways to experience divine revelation:
through Scripture, tradition, reason, and experience (see, I told you
he was wise). We now call these four resources the Wesleyan
Quadrilateral. When you're talking to folks about theology, try to see
what side of the quadrilateral they use the most. Is it the Bible?
Church tradition? Their own common sense? Or their own experience?
Decide for yourself if any one side of the Quadrilateral is more
important than the others, and weigh the evidence accordingly.
It's Greek to Me
How much time have you spent studying the key passages about
women in leadership? Less time than you've spent shopping for shoes
in the last month? If so, then it's time to bust out some books and do
your homework.
There are two basic positions. On one extreme, the
Complementarian view argues that while men and women are equal,
women have different leadership and teaching responsibilities in the
church. On the other extreme, the Egalitarian view believes that gender
does not influence divine call; God can (and does) call men and
women to serve in any and every church leadership position.
Both sides are committed to the authority of Scripture. Both
sides have tried to figure out the meaning of the original Hebrew
Old Testament and Greek New Testament. The Complementarian
view usually focuses on four texts, starting with 1 Corinthians 11:2-6,
which teaches that the "head" of the woman is the man. Other primary
texts are 1 Corinthians 14:33-35, which says women are to
keep silent in the church; 1 Timothy 2:11-15, where keeping silent
in the church is defined as refraining from teaching; and Ephesians
5:22-23, where Paul argues for different roles in a marriage.
The Egalitarian view also takes these texts seriously, but it begins
from a different starting point. In Genesis 1-2, God makes both male
and female in his image. In Genesis 3:16, the subordination of
women is not prescribed as ideal, but rather predicted as a consequence
of sin. Moving to the New Testament, in Galatians 3:28, Paul
teaches that the hierarchies between Jew and Greek, slave and free,
and male and female evaporate in light of Jesus Christ. In 1
Corinthians 11 and Acts 21:8-9, women are allowed to pray and
prophesy in the early church. Given these texts, the Egalitarian view
argues that the passages often used by the Complementarian view are
heavily influenced by the particular culture involved in those epistles.
Regulations on women in leadership are the exception, not the norm.
Which of these views is closest to your own? Why? Or do you
have a completely different way of looking at it? Whatever you
decide, your brain will be grateful for its aerobic workout.
Don't Know Much About History
An important principle in understanding scriptural passages about
women in leadership is the principle of history. Divine revelation
always occurs in the context of a specific culture. The ultimate divine
revelation, Jesus himself, modeled this by entering into Palestinian
culture and adopting its dress, language, and metaphors. For each
city Paul wrote to in his epistles, take some time to understand the
culture and their explicit and implicit guidelines for Jewish women.
That knowledge just might unlock some of the mysteries that surround
women in leadership.
Inside the Boundaries
What boundaries do you have for women in leadership? Are you
comfortable with-
Women serving in the background?
Women meeting one on one with other girls or women?
Women being small group leaders?
Women "sharing" in front of a group?
Women being teachers?
Women being youth pastors?
Women being senior pastors?
Women being czars of the world?
Regardless of your answers, do your best to help women develop
WITHIN those boundaries. Develop the best female small group
leaders you can. Coach women how to speak to youth or to the entire
church. Encourage girls to consider becoming senior pastors. Given
the width of your boundaries, what can YOU do to encourage and
empower women?
Start a Book Club
If you're like me, you learn best when you study alongside others.
Invite some others to join you in a theological book club. Photocopy
articles or swap relevant books about women in ministry and then
meet monthly to discuss them. You might like it so much that you
move to other topics and meet indefinitely.
Be Passionate, Not Mad
Once you've decided what you believe about women in youth ministry,
let others know about it. But speak the truth in LOVE. In God's
eyes, how you treat others who disagree with you is probably more
important than whether or not you "win them over to your side."
Think Ahead
When preparing for a potentially difficult conversation, Abraham
Lincoln spent a third of his time thinking about what he was going to
say and two-thirds of his time thinking about what the other person
was going to say. I can't think of better advice when it comes to talking
about the theology of women in leadership. Know your own position,
but also think ahead about what the other person might say.
How would you respond to their position? What are its strong points?
What are its potential weaknesses? Thinking this through in advance
will bring greater depth to your conversation.
Be Prepared for Mixed Messages
It's amazing how many men have "no theological problem" with
women in leadership yet they "don't feel comfortable with it" themselves.
Or vice versa-they want women to serve in leadership positions
in their own ministries and churches, but they don't think
Scripture supports it. While none of us is 100 percent consistent in
our beliefs and actions, gently point out the mixed messages and see
what they say. You might just start a great conversation.
Your First Family: Husbands and Children
What Do a PDA and a Pacifier Have in
Common?
Do you know? Can you guess? Give up? Okay, I'll tell you-ME! For
the last three years, the two items most vital to my very survival have
been my Palm Pilot and a Nuk. I don't leave home without them.
One keeps my schedule in order; one keeps my babies in order. Okay,
Okay, pseudo-order.
If you have kids, this section will help you make sense of the
topsy-turvy world of mom and ministry. And if you don't have kids
yet, flip through the pages anyway. You know others who do. The
moms of the girls you work with are hip deep in the delight and
despair of family life. The more you understand them, the more you
can speak their language. Plus, someday you might have your own
kids, and it's never too soon to pick up a few pointers.
True/False: Marriage Hurts Your Ministry
I love asking college students this question. They almost always say
true. Being married means less time out with students and fewer late-night
donut runs. So yes, I spend about 30 percent less time with
students now that I'm married.
But here's the catch: the time I spend is so much richer. Why?
Because my relationship with my husband makes me a deeper person.
So while I spend 30 percent less time with others, the time I do spend
is doubly effective. So in reality, marriage CAN help your ministry.
Do the math.
Check In Often
My husband and I talk three or four times each day while one or
both of us are at work. I gather that's rare, but it shouldn't be. If we
didn't touch base with each other during the day, then by the time I
came home from my girls' small group at 9 p.m., I'd have to recap
the whole day-starting with the fact that our two year old watched
his first Sesame Street episode that morning and ending with the
tough questions my girls asked about oral sex. I'd never remember
everything, and I'd miss important details-about both our family
and our ministry. Plus I'd get agitated or resentful that he wasn't with
me to share it all. A few 10-minute phone calls each day make all the
difference.
Your Husband's Calling
Since you're active in ministry, it's easy to forget that your husband
has his own ministry calling. His call to work with two year olds, or
international missions in Zimbabwe, or two year olds in Zimbabwe,
can easily get pushed aside by the in-your-face demands of youth
ministry. Make sure your husband is using his spiritual gifts in tangible
ways every week. And if that means you go to one less Bible
study or spend an hour less working on your Wednesday night talk,
it's worth it-both for the kingdom and for your marriage.
My Husband Dislikes Youth Ministry
True confession time: My husband Dave, who is just about flawless,
doesn't like junior high ministry. It's not that he doesn't believe in it;
it's not that he doesn't think it's vital. It's just that he doesn't particularly
like junior highers-at least not in large numbers. While he
likes the girls in my small group when they come over to our house,
junior highers in larger numbers scare him. When he walks into our
junior high room, his spine stiffens and his voice changes. My husband,
who can skillfully navigate his way through any executive
board meeting or complicated engineering procedure, gets freaked
out by eighth graders.
If the same is true for your husband, that's okay. If your husband
is like mine, he likes and loves YOU. He likes and loves that you are
called to work with students. So while he may hardly ever peer into
the youth room, he can still support you every minute before you
step into that room and every minute after you step out of it. Pray
together, strategize together, brainstorm together. Your husband can
and should be your number one fan even if he's rarely in the room
with you when you're doing ministry.
The "Bring With" Principle
One of my favorite verses about ministry comes from the Apostle
Paul. He writes to the people in 1 Thessalonians 2:8 that he loved
the Thessalonians so much that he shared more than just the gospel,
he shared his very life.
I love that phrase: "our very lives." As much as you can, combine
your time spent with teenagers with family time. Do you have to go
grocery shopping? Invite someone you're mentoring to go with you.
Are you going to spend an hour at your nine-year-old's soccer game?
Take a teenager with you. Not only are they spending time with you,
but they're also seeing your family in action. And depending on their
family background, that might be even more valuable to them than
time spent alone with you.
"I Don't Know How You Do It"
Have those words ever been directed at you? "I don't know how you
do it." A husband, kids (your own, not the students), more kids (the
students, not your own), a house to manage, a career to build, a family
calendar to keep, friends to maintain . just making the list is
exhausting, let alone living it.
More than most, Kate Redman knows just how exhausting it can
be. She's the fictional character in Allison Pearson's hit novel, I Don't
Know How She Does It. The opening scene captures the tension
between the job you do in your house and the job you do outside of it.
Monday, 1:37 a.m. How did I get here? Can someone please
tell me that? Not this kitchen. I mean in this life. It is the
morning of the school carol concert, and I am hitting mince
pies. No, let us be quite clear about this, I am distressing mince pies, an altogether more demanding and subtle
process.
Discarding the luxury packaging, I winkle the (store
bought) pies out of their pleated foil cups, place them on a
chopping board and bring down a rolling pin on their
blameless floury faces. This is not as easy as it sounds, believe me. Hit the pies too hard and they drop a kind of
fat-lady curtsy, skirts of pastry bulging out at the sides, and
the fruit starts to ooze. But with a firm downward motion-imagine
enough pressure to crush a small beetle-you can
start a crumbly little landslide, giving the pastry a pleasing
homemade appearance. And homemade is what I'm after
here. Home is where the heart is. Home is where the good
mother is, baking for her children.
I wish I could sit down with Kate over Mocha Frosted Lattes and
tell her that the pace she's trying (emphasis on trying) to keep is
insanity. That she can only be great, truly great, in a few things. Pick
those few things wisely, and let everything else slide. If you bring
store-bought desserts to your child's school (or-gasp, shudder-no
dessert at all), who cares? In the light of eternity, does it really matter
if you have Lego Duplo blocks strewn around your living room and
your kid's bacteria colony science project sprawled across your dining
room table when the in-laws come over? I want to be a great lover of
Jesus, Dave, and my kids (in that order). Everything else is just gravy.
Creative Ways to Get a Few Hours
with Your Kids
With 24 hours a day, seven nights a week, and two days off a
week, why is it still so hard to find time with your own kids? Here
are a few ideas to get you some quality and quantity time with your
family.
(Continues.)
