Chapter One
Part
One
You and
Your Teen:
Evaluating the
Relationship
-by Joe White
Is your teen distant? Belligerent? Is the
relationship you'd hoped for disappearing
under indifference, anger, or defiance?
Sometimes the signs couldn't be clearer.
You may have found a marijuana bag, or a
pack of condoms, or the empty aerosol cans
and rags and paper sacks that indicate
"huffing."
Or maybe you're worried about smaller
earthquakes. Your daughter paints her fingernails
black. Your son gets his nose
pierced. You hear "I hate you!" more than
any other phrase-or you hardly hear anything
at all.
Take a look at the list below and check
the following that apply to you.
1. ___ Your teen is respectful and
responsible most of the time.
2. ___ Your teen has faults, but you
suspect she's reacting to (or imitating)
your own.
3. ___ You get feedback from others
about what a "great kid you
have," even if you don't see it at
home.
4. ___ Your teen may not always
respond the way you'd like, but
generally chooses friends well,
does homework (if grudgingly),
and can be coerced into doing
chores.
5. ___ Your teen seems to respond well
to you when things are calm at
home.
6. ___ Your teen's behavior hasn't
changed radically and negatively
in the last year.
7. ___ Your teen seems to get angry at
nothing, blowing up at the
slightest provocation.
8. ___ Your teen is defiant no matter
what you say or do.
9. ___ Your teen seems to be saying or
doing things continually to hurt
you or to prove you have no
control over him.
10. ___ Your teen consistently walks in
the house grumpy and leaves
grumpy no matter what you say
or do.
11. ___ Your teen never communicates;
all your attempts at even casual
conversation are thwarted.
12. ___ Your teen is involved in drugs,
sexual promiscuity, or alcohol
abuse.
If you chose one or more of statements
1-6, chances are that your teen's behavior
falls into the "normal range" for today's
adolescents. There may be distance, but
there's hope. In Parts 3 and 5, you'll find
practical suggestions for ways to close the
gap in your relationship.
If you chose one or more of statements
7-12, you face more of a challenge. Distance
may have turned to hostility, even
self-destruction. You may need outside
help to turn things around-but there's
hope for you, too. Part 4 has some specific
advice to help you.
Either way, a first step toward success
is understanding why things have changed
in your relationship with your son or
daughter. Is it all hormones and peer
pressure?
Those factors often play a role. In our
next section, we'll take a closer look at the
changes-physical and emotional-that
your teen is experiencing.
(Continues.)
