Chapter One
I Read Your Book
This Morning
Shortly after the release of my second writing project,
Finding
Faith
, I was invited to do a book signing at my church. It was
an elegant affair, with a punch bowl (full of a bright red liquid, as
I recall, but with a flavor hard to place) complete with a floating
ring of something frozen and neon green, and silver trays of
crumbly hors d'oeuvres-tasty, but messy, and too small to satisfy
a hungry guy who didn't eat before coming. The final touch? The
tasteful organizers had hired a talented harpist (a college student
living near Washington D.C., but from Philadelphia) to provide
delightful background music. After some informal socializing, I
participated in an interview about the book (which gave the
harpist a break-during which I happened to notice her leafing
through a copy of my book), and then the music began and the
small crowd returned to informal conversation.
At the end of the evening, I noticed the harpist struggling to load
her harp into her van. (I secretly was thankful that I play the guitar,
which is a lot easier to transport!) I offered to help her, and it
wasn't easy. (Those harpists may look and sound as delicate as
petite piccolo players, but they have to be stronger than tuba players!)
After we closed the rear gate of her vehicle, she turned to me
and with complete seriousness said, "While you were talking, I had
a chance to look through your book. I have a question for you: Do
you mean all that stuff you wrote in the book, or are you just trying
to make Christianity sound good?"
I said, "Well, Alice (not her real name), that's quite a question!
Tell me what you mean," and so began what I call a "spiritual
friendship"-a friendship that continues to this day. I didn't actually
see Alice for several months after that initial meeting, but I
gave her a copy of my book, and within twenty-four hours I got
the first of many emails, which I would like to share with you, with
Alice's permission. I share them with you for a number of reasons:
1. So you can hear the real "voice" of an authentic spiritual
seeker of a postmodern bent.
2. So you can begin to see how modern Christianity looks to
a postmodern seeker.
3. So you can begin to imagine how you would have
responded to Alice, to prepare yourself for some meaningful
spiritual dialogues of your own.
4. So you can get a fresh vision of what evangelism should and
can be.
I've maintained Alice's spelling and punctuation, and have only
changed a few details for the sake of privacy. I hope you will find
her messages as winsome, intriguing, stimulating, and challenging
as I have.
From:Alice
To:Brian
Hi Brian (do you prefer to be called brian?)
this is alice, the harpist from your book
signing party. i read your book this morning.
it caused me to think a lot about a lot of
things. i actually would like to tell you about
it, but im afraid this e mail will be very
lengthy . i don't want to burden you (i
understand you listen to a lot of people every
day!) so im not sure . but i really need to
talk to someone and i dont know, I just felt
good about reading your book and about talking
to you . and I cant think of anyone else i
can talk to about religion. i know this
probably sounds psychotic considering i just
met you last night, and under what
circumstances i met you . i dont know. im
nervous to say anything at all, really .
well, ill try to make it quick and you dont
have to respond, probably more im just writing
for myself . or not . i don't know. in any
case, please dont feel any pressure to respond.
"i read your book this morning." Doesn't that suggest a lot of
motivation to you? I hope the book is good, but I don't think I
can take credit for that kind of intense interest. And I don't think
Alice is alone in this intensity. All around me, all around you, are
people who would stay up half the night reading or talking if they
could get some help with their spiritual questions. All they need
is someone who cares and who has some spiritual experience and
wisdom to share. They are more ready than you realize-more
ready for a sincere spiritual friendship with someone like you.
I think you will agree that through this email Alice is doing her
part to establish a genuine friendship with me. She doesn't want
to burden me. She is careful not to be presumptuous, and doesn't
demand a response. (How different from some poor so-called
evangelists who talk whether or not others want to listen, and
demand a response whether the other person is ready and willing
or not.) She continues .
From:Alice
To:Brian
like i said to you last night, recently i
have been feeling like I want to become a
christian, and maybe even start going to church
and stuff. but there have been two problems:
Before we get to the problems, notice this: As far as I can
remember, Alice said nothing close to "I want to become a Christian."
What she said was, "Do you really mean what you said in
the book, or are you just trying to make Christianity sound
good?" This is a reminder to us that what people mean is often
different-and sometimes nearly opposite-of what they say.
Underneath a criticism, underneath a seemingly negative statement,
can be a test that says, "I really want to become a Christian,
but first I must test you to see if you are a safe person to talk to.
Will you react, get defensive, argue . or listen?"
From:Alice
To:Brian
like i said to you last night, recently i
have been feeling like I want to become a
christian, and maybe even start going to church
and stuff. but there have been two problems:
1)whenever i go to any church, or read any
church literature, i change my mind
2)my boyfriend is a christian.
he belongs to a non-denomenational church in
the area, and its very liberal, and hes very
liberal, but even despite this, whenever we
talk about religion, i feel nauseated. i get so
angry (and i dont know why, because i havent
had any overly negative experiences witht he
church) and i get these horrible visions of
brainwashing and the like. the bad thing is,
his church IS NOT LIKE THAT. i KNOW im
completely unjustified in what i feel. but i
cant help it. and every time i talk with him
about it (which is usually when im feeling
closer to some kind of conversion) i leave
feeling worse.
There is a lot here for us to consider. Alice's line about changing
her mind whenever she visits a church or reads Christian literature
should give every pastor and Christian leader heartburn, if
not a heart attack. You will also notice her use of the word
liberal
-by
which, I think, she means contemporary and nontraditional,
not "theologically liberal" in the technical sense. This reminds us
not to assume that words have the same meanings to everyone.
Church people develop complex and specialized lexicons that can
be pretty off-putting to non-churchgoers. If we want to become
spiritual friends to them, we need to start by not expecting them to
conform to our vocabulary. As Christians, we live out a message
about a man who came to us on our terms, spoke our language,
and crossed the bridge to meet us where we were.
Angry, nauseated, horrible visions, brainwashing, worse
-these
are strong words and reveal intense feelings. She continues .
From:Alice
To:Brian
this is sort of what happened last night.
while i was waiting for him to get back from
mass with his parents, i read a couple chapters
of your book we were talking about it and
i told him about reading the book and
everything. i really opened up about all that i
had been feeling and he was really wonderful
with it . he didnt act super happy and didnt
ask too many questions . he knows how to
handle me (the same way i meant how you
"handle" your readers . which im still not
sure on, by the way), but inevitably,
eventually, we got into an argument about it.
its so frustrating for me, because i see so
much of what i say is . blown out of
proportion, or something. but then i also feel
like i dont owe christianity any breaks and
that it deserves the tough microscope i put it
under. and i dont know if i really believe
that. i also know a lot of what i say to him
(my boyfriend) is rooted in pride (perhaps my
biggest downfall as a human being)-meaning
that i dont want to let him "win" the
christianity argument, or whatever
Notice how her boyfriend was "really wonderful with it" when
she began opening up about her spiritual interest: He "didn't act
super happy and didn't ask too many questions." In other words,
he gave her space. That is something we need to do for our spiritual
friends. Can you see how it is possible for us to care too
(Continues.)
