Chapter One
Holy SexWhat Makes This Human Act So Sacred?
There may be some things better than sex, and
there may be some things worse. But there's
nothing exactly like it.
-W. C. Fields
Sex is holy. It was created by God and given to His children to cherish and
protect.
Sex is holy. This is why our world is so fascinated, so obsessed, and even
so messed up about the subject of sex.
Sex is holy. That is why in my adolescent, premarital world of sexual
musings and passions there were periods when I felt that everything about
sex was created either to torment me or to leave me feeling guilty. And that
is why, in the sanctity of my marriage, I've known times of sexual intimacy
with my wife to be the very presence of God Himself.
Sex is holy. It can be, for those who are willing to enter this sacred
space, a place of worship.
I realize that it might seem ludicrous to equate sex with holiness and to
describe it as an experience of truly worshiping God. How can something
that has been so desecrated, so abused and polluted, and that has caused so
much pain be considered a holy experience? And how, if we're talking
about the adoration of the one true God, can the sexual act ever be considered
an act of worship? How, with all its unseemly baggage, can sex be any
of these things?
The full truth about sex is this: It is both sacred and polluted, holy and
desecrated. The sacredness of sex is not based on how we treat it or mistreat
it. Its sacredness is based on its essence, which comes from God. Sex is holy
because God created it to be holy.
Standing on Holy Ground
The concept of holiness is at the heart of who God is, of what He calls His
people to, and of what we encounter when we encounter Him. As Moses
timidly approached a burning bush that wasn't consumed by the fire, he
heard the One who had called him say, "Do not come any closer Take
off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground" (Exodus
3:5). The Bible doesn't describe exactly what Moses did just then, but
my bet is that he was barefoot before he could stammer "lowly sheepherder."
What made this scrap of desert especially holy? Two things. It was holy
because the Holy One Himself was present there. But it was holy also
because God had set that little piece of Mount Horeb apart for His use.
The God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, the same God who created the universe,
had come to this desolate place to call His servant Moses and to set
him apart to free God's people from slavery in Egypt. It was holy ground
because of who was there and because of what He was doing there. God's
presence and His purposes combined to transform an ordinary patch of
desert into sacred space.
So what is it that makes sex, a desertlike patch of human experience for
so many couples, a holy act? Two things. First, sex is holy because God
Himself is present whenever a wife and husband partake of His gift of sex.
And second, sex is holy because the Creator of the universe designated
the gift of sexual intimacy to be the way that a husband and a wife both create
and re-create the God-designed oneness of marriage. Sex makes two
people one because God declared it to be so. He has set apart sex for His
use. It is holy ground.
The Meanings of Holiness
In the Scriptures, the word holy has several distinct meanings. First is the
idea of something that is perfect, transcendent, and spiritually pure. The
prophet Isaiah refers to God no less than twenty-five times as "the Holy
One of Israel." It is Peter's description of Jesus when he proclaims: "We
believe and know that you are the Holy One of God" (John 6:69).
Holiness also applies to things that God has designated as holy. In the
Old Testament, the ark of the covenant was such an object. This fact is
graphically illustrated in the story of Uzzah, a man who mistakenly
believed his hand was somehow purer than the dirt and was struck down
by God for grabbing hold of the ark to keep it from touching the ground
(2 Samuel 6:6-7).
The word holy is used to describe something that has been set apart by
God and for God. Scholars refer to Leviticus 17-25 as the Holiness Code.
This passage contains a myriad of commands, which the Hebrews were to
obey so that they might be holy "because I, the Lord, am holy" (Leviticus
20:26). Places, priestly garments, items for worship, sacrificial animals, and
the nation of Israel itself were all to be set apart for a special purpose-the
purpose of honoring and glorifying the Most Holy God.
Finally, the word holy means to evoke adoration, worship, and even fear
and trembling. It was our friend Peter's response when Jesus miraculously
filled the boat with fish. Peter fell down at Jesus' knees, begging Him to
depart because His holiness evoked Peter's sense of unworthiness (see
Luke 5:8). This is no doubt how Moses felt when he lay prostrate and shoeless
before God on the burning sand at Mount Horeb (see Exodus 3:5).
The presence of the truly holy causes us to see our humanness and our own
failures, and to pay humble homage to the only One who is sovereign and
sacred.
Each of these four definitions of holiness applies to sex between a wife
and a husband. First, sex is holy because it was created by the Holy One of
Israel before sin ever entered the human race. In the beginning, sex was perfect
and spiritually pure.
Sex is also holy because God designated it to be so, as we will understand
more completely when we study the familiar story of the Garden of
Eden. Like the ark of the covenant, which much later was regarded with
awe and respect, the mystery of oneness that occurs between man and
woman in the act of sex is to be accorded a similar holy and high regard.
Although the ark is an object and sex is a relationship, both were designed
by God; both are meant to be treated with the honor due that which is
holy; and both are meant to be reminders of the One who is holy.
Further, sex is holy because God has set it apart from the dawn of time
for His special purpose-the magnificent purpose of representing Christ
and the church (see Ephesians 5:31-32). This was a mystery; hidden from
humankind for ages, and revealed only after Christ ascended to the Father.
Finally, sex is holy because it can usher us into a genuine experience of
worship. Just as the appearance of the burning bush filled Moses with awe,
the true experience of oneness that God designed marital sex to be can
bring us to a place of heartfelt praise and adoration of Him. It can leave us
trembling at the wonder and beauty and love of almighty God, who gave
us this incredible gift.
To explore the holiness of sex, we'll go back to the beginning in the
Garden of Eden. There we will embark on the journey of discovering what
was on the mind of the Holy One as He gave the gift of sex to the first
couple. But first it's important to understand where we've been in our own
lives and where we are now. We need to sort through all that we've learned
about sex, both true and false, so that we can return to the garden and learn
the complete truth about sex.
And the foundation of that truth is that sex is holy.
The Lies That Hold Us Back
I don't know anyone who, when first learning about sex, was taught that it
is holy. I certainly was never taught that. Like any teenage boy, I wanted to
learn a lot-and I mean a lot-about sex. It seemed that junior high health
class would be the ticket. However, in typical Texas fashion, my football
coach was also my health teacher. In full crimson-faced embarrassment,
Coach Smith gave us a hurried "how Sammy Sperm meets Elizabeth Egg"
lecture. And that was it.
Convinced there was more, I turned to my "well-educated" peers.
These teenaged experts shared a great deal of "adolescent sexual wisdom,"
the most important being that girls want to be ogled and grabbed. This
made sense, considering our assumption that girls existed primarily for the
enjoyment of boys. I was amazed at how much I was learning.
Imagine my surprise a couple of years later when, after I had become a
believer in Christ, my new girlfriend handed me a copy of I Loved a Girl,
a book on Christian dating and sexual relationships. The author, Walter
Trobisch, had obviously not spoken with my football buddies. Suddenly,
my previous education was being challenged by ideas such as women
should be respected as God's creation, Christians should save sex (and petting)
for marriage, and-a really new idea-God designed, created, and
gave the gift of sex to husbands and wives to be enjoyed. Really? God was
the One who made sex fun? Orgasm was His idea? I must have been absent
the day Coach Smith taught that part.
And yet, even in my burgeoning Bible-based sex education, the idea of
sex being something more than a uniquely special way for a husband and
wife to share their love was still absent. The only time I heard the termsholy and sex used together was in a spoof when Robin the Boy Wonder
cried, "Holy sex, Batman!"
The Culture of Sex
We've all heard much on the subject of sex. In fact, we hear way too much.
It's rare that we watch a movie that doesn't have its steamy scenes or at
least thinly disguised sexual innuendo. We are surrounded by books that
deal with every aspect of sexual dysfunction, technique, fantasy, and
exploitation. Even a quick trip to the grocery store brings a deluge of magazine
covers that taunt us about sex and our assumed incompetence in
this area.
Our sex-saturated culture worships bodies, focuses on individual pleasure,
and glorifies sex outside of marriage. Comedians and radio shock
jocks rise to fame and fortune by pandering to our basest impulses. Women
learn from the industry of "female appearance" that the key to getting a
man is a perfect body-and the willingness to show a lot of it. Advice
columnists remind us that by the "third date you should be ready and willing
to have sex." Cartoon heroines for kids are drawn with twenty-inch
waists and forty-four-inch busts, and according to U.S. News & World
Report, pornography recently took in more than $8 billion in one year.
Sadly, television has become "the leading sex educator in America today,"
showing sex between unmarried partners twenty-four times more frequently
than between spouses.
As a culture, we've decided that when it comes to sexuality, knowledge
leads to fulfillment. In the popular 1970s book Everything You Always
Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid to Ask, author David Reuben
stated: "The more you know about sex, the more you can enjoy it." From
the likes of Drs. Masters and Johnson to the Kinsey Institute, the phases
and causes of orgasm for both men and women have been studied, documented,
filmed, and analyzed. We know of the G-spot, multiple orgasms,
and dozens of erogenous zones. (I know. Men think they have only one.)
Sex therapy and medical science can cure impotence, premature ejaculation,
and an assortment of vaginal muscle disorders. We know how it all
works, and we think we know how to make it all work even better. And yet
studies show overall sexual satisfaction is continuing to decline.
In short, we are more sexually informed than ever. We can take advantage
of therapy and medical treatments not available to previous generations.
And we have free access to more sexually stimulating material than at
any time in history. But despite all of this knowledge, people are more sexually
empty, more sexually frustrated, and more sexually lost than ever
before. We must ask why.
Sex and Church History
Let's look at how we got here. Theologian R. C. Sproul observes that
"throughout the history of the Church, some have expounded on the
notion that sex within marriage is merely tolerated by God for the sake of
procreation," and some have even concluded "that God regards sex as
intrinsically evil." That view is a long way from sex as a beautiful, holy act
that invites the presence of God.
Additionally, some in the history of the church have regarded sexual
pleasure itself as a consequence of sin. According to this view, before Adam
and Eve ate the fruit that God had forbidden, sex wasn't part of the scenario.
Instead, the knowledge of good and evil gave them sexual awareness.
If this view is true, then any expression of sex, even within marriage,
becomes sinful. Life in a monastery would be the only God-honoring alternative
for any of us. Along these lines, Saint Augustine believed that sex was
the vehicle for the transmission of original sin. Borne out of his own confession
that he couldn't find happiness, no matter how great his "indulgence
in sensual pleasure," Augustine concluded that all sexual pleasure
must be evil.
Christian belief in the sinfulness of sexual pleasure went on for centuries.
Only relatively recently did believers arrive at the idea that the pleasure
associated with sex is a good thing. However, Jewish believers came to
this conclusion much earlier. Rabbi Shmuley Boteach points out that the
rabbis have always made female orgasm a moral obligation of the Jewish
husband. In the Jewish tradition, "No man was allowed to use a woman
merely for his own gratification." Christendom has struggled a lot more
with the "pleasure" side of the sexual equation. Thirteenth-century theologian
Thomas Aquinas and church leaders John Calvin and Martin Luther
all agreed that God had created sex for reasons besides procreation. However,
they also viewed sex as "disorderly" and never seemed to tread very
long or dive very deeply into the controversial waters that sexual pleasure
might actually be a gift from God.
Boy, have things changed.
Look through any directory of Christian resources and you'll find a
book on sex or at least a book on marriage that includes a chapter on sex.
(That chapter is easy to find. It's always the last one.) Even for believers, sex
is a hot commodity. Still, the Christian world changes slowly.
In the late 1970s, Dr. Ed Wheat's book Intended for Pleasure gave
Christians a great technical guide to sexual intimacy, and it did much
to break the assumption that Christians shouldn't enjoy sex. However, by
the time this book came out, Everything You Always Wanted to Know About
Sex But Were Afraid to Ask had been on people's bedside tables for almost
ten years, and the movie version, a Woody Allen comedy, was a major Hollywood
hit. And when the Christian world finally published Wheat's candid
book on Christ-honoring sexuality, it was wrapped in cellophane and
stocked on the top shelf in Christian bookstores. The unavoidable message
was that we may have a personal relationship with the Creator of sex and
marriage, but we're still awfully embarrassed about what He created.
Today, many have heeded the advice of Dr.
Continues.
