Chapter One
It's My Life!
The younger son got together all he had,
set off for a distant country and there
squandered his wealth in wild living.Luke 15:13
It used to be that if you looked up "perfect" in the dictionary, Lily's picture
would be next to it. Seriously.
She made straight A's in school, and not just because she was bright. She
had study habits that wouldn't quit. She always chose good friends, ones who
thought like she did about the important stuff and were pretty close to perfect
themselves. And she never gave her parents a minute's trouble.
Yeah, she was overenthusiastic about some things now and then-okay,
often. But she never got detention. The teacher never had to call home. There
was never anything but an "E" (which stands for "Excellent") in citizenship on
her report card. Even at home, her mom and dad never had to ground her for
breaking rules or having a smart mouth because that just didn't happen.
The thing is, Lily didn't even have to try that hard to be so perfect. It was
just the way she was
Until "the feeling" began. One day when the teacher told the class to open
their language arts workbooks and do the exercises on page 34, Lily felt an
itchiness inside her. She squirmed in her seat and fiddled with her pencil and
chewed at her lower lip-but she could not get herself to open that workbook
to page 34. These exercises are so stupid, she thought. I'm not doing them-they're
lame.
After about thirty seconds, the feeling passed, and Lily opened the workbook
and did the exercises-perfectly. She didn't think about the feeling again
until a few days later when her mom said, "Baby, would you run upstairs and
get my wallet for me? I think I left it on the dresser." Once more, Lily got
itchy inside, where she couldn't scratch, and she wanted to scream, I'm not a
baby! And how come you can't go get your own wallet!
Fortunately, those words didn't cross her lips, and she did get her mom's
wallet for her. But she couldn't make herself smile about it, or barely even be
pleasant when she handed it over.
"Anything wrong, Lil'?" her mom said.
"No!" Lily said in an edgier voice than she'd ever used before. Because
even if she'd wanted to-and she didn't-Lily couldn't have told her mom
what was up. She just knew she had the feeling, and it made her feel contrary
and restless and definitely less than perfect.
From then on, she seemed to get the feeling at least once a day. Sometimes
it was when she looked in the mirror and wished she could look a little less
wholesome. Other times it was when she didn't think she could get through
her chores without yelling, "What am
I, a slave?" Occasionally, it even
happened when she was
having her quiet time with God.
One day she threw her pen
across the room for no
reason she could think of.
"What's the matter withher?" Lily's younger brother
Joe said one morning when
Lily's mom sent her upstairs
to take off the top with the
spaghetti straps she'd borrowed
from Ashley Adamson.
I'll tell you what's wrong! Lily
wanted to say. But she couldn't-because she didn't know herself. All she knew
was that more and more she was having the feeling, and it was kind of scary.
The feeling comes in a lot of different forms. Some girls have the urge to
hit something. Others suddenly want to be sarcastic. Many simply don't want
to do anything anybody has always expected them to do.
That feeling is the first stirring of rebellion, something that happens when
a girl starts having the desire and even the beginnings of the ability to control
her own life. The problem is, she's not completely ready to do that, so it gets
confusing.
So where Lily had always been willing to do whatever the teacher told her
to do, now she wanted to learn her way. Where she never used to question
anything her parents asked her to do, now she'd like to have a choice, thank you
very much. And where she was always happy to look wholesome and clean-cut, now she wants to look like somebody else just to show that she can!
Maybe you haven't had the feeling yet, and there's a slim chance you
won't. Some people seem to breeze right through this part of growing up,
either because their parents see it coming and begin to give freedoms and
choices just at the right time or because the need to control their own lives
doesn't come up until they're young adults, and by then, they can just take
charge and go for it. If that's how it works out for you, say thank you to God.
You are blessed!
It's more likely, though, that you've already had a hint of the feeling or that
you will soon. It could even be that it's hit you so strong, you've dyed your
hair blue or tried out some of those stick-on tattoos, just to see what people
would say! Wherever you fall on the rebellion scale, it's good to understand
what's going on with you. There are several things you're going to need to
know:
The feeling is a normal part of passing from childhood to adulthood.
This passage is full of pitfalls that, if you should tumble into them,
could affect you for a long time (and give you even less control over
your life).
It can be dealt with in a healthy, godly, and even happy way.
This book is written to help you learn all three of those things. With a little
knowledge and a lot of prayer, you can live through the feeling without
messing up your life. In fact, you can even live a better life because of it.
So far, this rebellion thing may sound pretty creepy to you-people
wanting to pierce their belly buttons, talk back to their parents, and bag their
homework to go walk around the mall. But while the actions girls sometimes take
when they get the feeling are definitely not a God Thing, the feeling itself
does, in a way, come from our Creator.
HOW IS This a GOD THING?
When you were about seven months old, nobody
had to tell you it was time to crawl. You just knew.
And when you were around a year old, the same
thing happened with walking. There are things you
do as you're growing up that just come naturally, and one of those things is
wanting to take control of your own life. Think about what it would be like
if that didn't happen. People would never leave home, even when they were
thirty, or forty, or fifty. In fact, there would be no homes to leave, because
people would never take control enough to buy one. It's completely natural to
say, "It's my life now and I have to live it."
The difficult thing to figure out is why God stirs those natural feelings up
in us long before we're ready to act on them! It isn't a new thing, either. The
Bible is full of rebellious children:
David's son Absalom was a holy terror (2 Samuel 15-18).
Eli's sons were a pack of holy terrors (1 Samuel 2:12).
Another one of David's sons, Adonijah, was also a rebel (1 Kings
1:5-27)-(What was up with David's kids, anyway?)
The prodigal son in Jesus' parable may be the biggest rebel of them all
(Luke 15:11-32).
Most of those rebels came to a bad end. Absalom was killed in a war he
started. Eli's sons, Hophni and Phinehas (if you had a name like that, wouldn'tyou rebel?) died fighting over the ark, because they had no regard for the Lord.
They put their father in a position where he had to choose between them and
God. Adonijah, David's other kid, was struck down by David's successor,
Solomon, because he was such a brat! The prodigal son was forgiven and
welcomed back into the family fold, but only after he had spent all his money and
had to wallow around with the pigs for a while.
So if rebelling is natural, how come rebels so often get the axe? God tells
us in the Bible that the trick is to take charge of your life only when God says
it's the right time. Then it isn't rebelling. It's growing up God's way.
Let's take Jesus, for example. When his parents took him to Jerusalem
when he was about twelve years old (Luke 2:41-52), Jesus took control.
While everybody else was heading back home, he stayed behind in the temple,
sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. As
any mom would, Mary got all over him for scaring her and Joseph half out
of their minds. His answer? "Why were you searching for me? . Didn't you
know I had to be in my Father's house?"
Now, before you go running to your parents and tell them you're ready to
do whatever God wills for you right now, no matter what they say, remember
two things: First, you aren't Jesus! At age twelve-or eight or nine or ten or
eleven or even probably fifteen-chances are you don't know yet what God
wills for your whole life. If you have a relationship with the Lord through
prayer and studying the Scriptures and looking for God everywhere, you'll
begin to put together the pieces of the puzzle. Then you can start taking control
in small ways. We'll talk about how in this chapter and in the rest of this book.
But unlike Jesus, you aren't quite ready to make up your own travel agenda.
Second, when Jesus went back home to Nazareth with Mary and Joseph,
Luke tells us he was "obedient to them" (Luke 2:51). He didn't assume that
since he had this one piece of what his heavenly Father wanted him to do
figured out, he could just run around doing whatever else he wanted. He knew
he wasn't finished growing up, and he let his earthly parents continue to guide
him. There's no other record of Jesus rebelling. I like to think he dealt with
"the feeling" in Jerusalem and knew what to do with it from then on.
So what does that mean for you when you get the urge to dye an orange
streak in your hair or quit the piano lessons your parents want you to take?
1. Know that what you're feeling is normal, and you need to pay
attention to find out what it's telling you.
2. Know that you can take control of small parts of your life now, but
that you still have to be obedient to your parents. You can possibly
work some things out with them and get them to understand how you
feel, but in the end, they still have the last word. After all, even Jesus
obeyed his mom and dad!
Check Yourself Out
Let's find out where you are on
the rebellion scale. Circle the
letter of the answer to each
statement that sounds the
most like you.
1. In school, when the teacher gives an assignment I don't want to do, I
a. tell her it's lame and refuse to do it.
b. just don't do it.
c. do it but silently hate it the entire time.
d. never resist the assignment; after all, that's the teacher.
2. My friends are
a. not people my parents want me to hang out with, but I like them;
they're different.
b. people my parents like, although sometimes I try to get to know
some of the sort of "dangerous" kids better.
c. people my parents like, although sometimes I wonder what it would
be like to have some of the "dangerous" kids as friends.
d. people my parents like; are there any other kinds?
3. When my parents tell me to do something I don't want to do, I
a. pitch a fit.
b. don't do it.
c. do it but mutter under my breath about how much I hate it.
d. do it without complaining because, well, they're my parents!
4. If I wanted to change my appearance, I would
a. do something really drastic that would flip my parents out.
b. ask my parents if I could do something drastic and then be mad if
they wouldn't let me.
c. ask my parents for suggestions.
d. do what my parents told me to do.
5. I go to church because
a. I-uh-don't go to church even though my parents try to make
me.
b. my parents make me, and that's the only reason.
c. my parents make me, although most of the time I like it.
d. I like it (though if I didn't, my parents would insist that I go anyway).
6. When I get angry I
a. do something physical so that everybody knows I'm ticked off.
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b. yell a lot.
c. keep it to myself mostly.
d. well-I don't really get angry that much.
7. The adults in my life expect me to
a. be what they want me to be, and I hate that!
b. be what they want me to be, and sometimes I don't like it.
c. be the way I've always been, and sometimes that gets on my nerves.
d. be the way I've always been, and I like that.
Now count up your a's, b's, c's, and d's and write the totals here:
____ a
____ b
____ c
____ d
Circle the letter you had the most of on the line below:
A B C DAngry Boiling Careful Delighted
Do you see how there's a whole rebel range? Although you probably fall
more into one area than the others, it's possible that you have all those feelings
at one time or another. It would be a good idea to read about all the kinds of
rebels.
The angry rebel is pretty physical about the whole thing. She just can't
hold back when she feels like she has no control. She's likely to do just about
anything when she's feeling that way-get her tongue pierced, shave her head,
quit ballet, and take up kick-boxing. Some of her choices might not in them-
selves be "bad"-kick-boxing is actually good exercise-but the reasons for
her decisions aren't usually the best. Most of the time, the angry rebel does
things just to get control rather than because she really wants to do them. She
may not even know that about herself, she's that angry.
If you fall into the A category, don't get mad and hurl this book across the
room! Read on. You may learn some ways to be a little less angry and make
better choices while still having some say in your own life. If you just can't
bring yourself to read any further, do talk to some adult you trust about the
way you're feeling and acting. It would be a shame to mess things up before
you even get started.
The boiling underneath rebel may sometimes make noise about her
rebellion. She may not kick and scream and go out and get a tattoo, but she'll
sure tell you exactly how she feels about being forced to do all this stuff she
doesn't want to do. At other times, she'll just quietly do exactly what she
pleases without saying a word and take the consequences later.
If you fall into the B category, read on. You don't have to become a
doormat, but you've probably noticed that your defiance isn't getting you very far.
There are ways to make some of your own choices and save your vocal cords.
The careful rebel has some of the same feelings that the more obvious
rebels do, but she doesn't let them show as much. She's either afraid she'll get in
trouble, or she isn't quite sure she really feels strongly enough to make it worth
it! That doesn't make her a wimp. In fact, it makes her perhaps a little wiser than
her more mouthy friends. But the feelings are sometimes still there and need to
be dealt with. If you fall into the BLDBLD category, read on and find out how!
The delighted non-rebel is still pretty happy with the way things are,
and that's okay. She may even continue to be happy on into her teens, and
that's all right too.
If you fall into this category, read on anyway. The time will probably come
when you'll get that itch you can't scratch, and you'll know just what to do. In
the meantime, enjoy this calm and innocent part of your life!
GIRLZ want to know
* LILY: Sometimes I get tired of being "good little Lily," and I get the
urge to stir things up. You know, like start a petition to get rid of the dress
code or something. When I told my older brother about it, he said I have
to be careful about my rep. I didn't want to ask and sound stupid, but what
was he talking about?
The "rep" your brother was talking about is your reputation, which is what
you're known for in public. Kids who are always class clowns and never do
their homework get a reputation for being goof-offs. Those who are always
picking, participating in, or refereeing fights get a reputation for being tough.
A reputation can also be a good thing. You can have one for being smart,
talented, or fun to be around. Sometimes a reputation that can seem like a good
thing to your peers may not seem like a good thing to the adults in your life-things
like being popular, the life of the party, the trendsetter. It sounds like
your brother is concerned that you'll get a reputation with the faculty for being
a troublemaker.
(Continues.)
