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When Good Men Are Tempted (Updated)

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Overview

Men know all about their need for sexual purity. What they want is a plan that will enable them to attain it. In the midst of a culture that shouts Sex from every corner, men need a friend to talk honestly about how to master lust and achieve control over this crucial area of their lives. Bill Perkins details a proven biblical strategy for sexual integrity. He shows men how to achieve a purity that will flow from their relationship with God and strengthen their self-respect, the sanctity of their marriage, and the security of their families. Perkins unfolds a three-part plan that will lead men to victory. Updated to address current needs and cultural trends, When Good Men Are Tempted includes the latest information on Internet pornography. It also features Take Action strategic steps and questions suitable for individual reflection or discussion in small groups."

Details

  • SKU: 9780310274346
  • UPC: 025986274344
  • SKU10: 0310274346
  • Title: When Good Men Are Tempted
  • Qty Remaining Online: 41
  • Publisher: Zondervan Publishing Company
  • Date Published: Aug 2007
  • Edition Description: Updated
  • Pages: 267
  • Age Range: 18 - UP
  • Grade Level: College Freshman thru Up
  • Weight lbs: 0.48
  • Dimensions: 8.06" L x 5.35" W x 0.69" H
  • Features: Table of Contents, Price on Product, Price on Product - Canadian, Bibliography
  • Themes: Sex & Gender | Masculine; Theometrics | Evangelical;
  • Category: LOVE & MARRIAGE
  • Subject: Inspirational
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Chapter Excerpt


Chapter One

Why Naked Dogs Look So Dressed

This book was birthed one sultry Friday night in south Texas while I was turning on my sprinkler system. Because of an extended drought the city only allowed grass watering between midnight and six a.m. No big deal to me since I was a night owl.

As I walked across my backyard, I noticed my neighbors' lights were on. Curious as to why they were up so late, I approached the fence and looked through the slats. I expected to see a handful of people playing cards inside their home. Or at least, I convinced myself that's what I expected so see. Instead I saw a hot young brunette talking on the phone. That wouldn't have been any big deal if she had been dressed. But she wasn't.

Instantly my eyes locked on her. Adrenaline raced through my body.

In that moment my mind flashed back to the night I was playing on the swing set in the backyard of the home where I grew up in Roswell, New Mexico. As I swung up and down, to my right, I saw my older sister's bedroom light turn on. A moment later one of her high school friends, with the body of a goddess, undressed in front of the window. At the time I couldn't believe my good luck.

Yet on that balmy night in Texas I wasn't a kid. I was a thirty-year-old pastor, with a gorgeous wife, a son . and . and . and I wondered, What am I doing?

After gazing at her for a few seconds, I pried myself away from the fence. Okay, it might have been more than a few seconds. But it wasn't a minute . definitely not a minute. Anyway, as I walked away I felt intoxicated by the spectacular beauty of that naked woman's body. And I couldn't help but wonder why the form of a nude female would affect me that way.

Since that experience, I've addressed thousands of men around the world and talked personally with hundreds more. I've administered confidential surveys to find out what men are thinking and doing. In the process, I've discovered a reality that will no doubt surprise you as much as the presence of salt in the sea-namely, every man, Christian or otherwise, has his own personal battle with lust.

Those who disclaim such a battle are either in denial or lying. I guess they could also be dying and just too sick to think about sex. But even dying men may have sex on their mind. My eighty-seven-year-old father was talking about sex just hours before dying of pneumonia.

The point is, if you're a man you're wired to enjoy the beauty of a woman, and that enjoyment can take your mind and body to some sinful places with severe consequences. And I suspect you're reading this book because you're trapped in a sinful place and want out or you want a map to keep you from going there. Before providing you with such help, I want to talk about the question raised on the night I saw thatau naturel brunette. Namely: why do naked women look so good?

Actually, I wrote this chapter and the next one after finishing the rest of the book. As I basked in the belief that I had banged out the last line of the last paragraph, a thought occurred to me. The more I contemplated this thought the more it bothered me. The thought flowed from my observing that a lot of Christian men, maybe even you, think it's sinful to enjoy looking at a beautiful woman.

Such thinking is reinforced by writers and Christian experts who, in an attempt to call men to sexual purity, decry not only adultery and pornography-fueled masturbation, but the act of drawing pleasure from a woman's beauty as well.

I just finished reading a popular book written to help Christian men live sexually pure lives. While the book provides helpful insights and practical suggestions, the author gives the impression that whenever a man derives pleasure from looking at a woman-he seemed to mean any woman in any situation-other than his wife, he has committed adultery, or at least foreplay, in his heart. In essence, he seems to insist that the magnetism a man feels for a beautiful woman who is not his wife is always fueled by and feeds sexual lust. So the author coaches the men to never look at a woman except his wife. With such superspiritual and utterly impossible standards, is it any wonder so many Christian men live under a load of failure and guilt?

I'm convinced your ability to enjoy the beauty of a woman is a gift from God. That doesn't mean God would approve of your feasting your eyes on Internet porn or the gyrating hips of the skimpily dressed girls who dance during a beer commercial. Nor is it okay for you to check out the lingerie ads in the morning paper-an entry point ritual for me. But I don't buy into the idea that if you're walking through a park and a gorgeous girl walks by it's wrong for you to notice her beauty and enjoy it. Would it be okay for you to ogle her? Or to follow her so you could continue "enjoying" her beauty?

Umm . do you need me to answer that question? Come on . you know the difference between glancing at a gorgeous girl and locking in your visual video recorder and capturing her every move for future reference. The key issue is for you to enjoy a woman's beauty without compromising your character and using her excellence to feed your lust.

"Okay," you may be asking, "how do I accomplish that?"

I'm convinced the first step down the path of sexual purity involves understanding why naked dogs look so dressed and-more importantly-why naked women look so good. Once we understand the sacred gift God has given us, we'll realize why we should cherish it and keep it pure.

I'd like to lift the magnetism you feel toward beautiful women to the high and holy place I believe God intended it to occupy.

The Mystery of a Woman's Beauty

When I saw my wife's body for the first time, I beheld something heavenly. Nothing in all of creation compared with the beauty of her nakedness. Being the modest type, she refused to run, or even walk, around our apartment naked . even though I pleaded with her. I simply couldn't see enough of her unexcelled naked beauty. I remember feeling as though I shouldn't stare. But I wanted to stare.

Evolutionists strip the mystery from a woman's beauty. They tell us men are attracted to naked women because of natural selection. They reason that if men didn't find women attractive, they wouldn't be inclined to reproduce. While that makes sense, it also reduces sexual magnetism to a purely biological, animalistic experience. It isn't. God created men with sexual appetites. He wired us to be attracted to women.

There's more here than some sort of accidental evolutionary programming. The book of Proverbs addresses the magnetism between a man and a woman. Agur, son of Jakeh (some of those ancient Jews had weird names), described four things too amazing for him to understand. One of them was how a man loves a woman (Proverbs 30:19). That ancient sage couldn't decipher the mystery of the magnetism between a he and a she.

So why do naked women look so good? The answer may disappoint you like the punch line to a very long and bad joke. You see, there's something about the buzz men get when they look at a beautiful woman that defies understanding.

At the deepest level, nobody understands the attraction between men and women.

It's kind of like sleep. Did you know that nobody fully understands why people need to sleep? Doesn't that seem odd to you? Researchers understand what happens when we sleep and what occurs when we're sleep deprived. They can even state the benefits of sleep. But nobody knows exactly why humans need to sleep.

Similarly, we don't know why naked women look so good to men. God has created something wonderful for you that defies understanding. If, as though it were a mathematical formula, you could understand the attraction you feel for the female face and form, there would be no mystery.

So if someone ever asks you, "Why do naked women look so good?" you can answer, "Metaphysically, we just don't know." That will definitely impress them.

Having said that, there are aspects of the answer that are as simple as 2 + 2 = 4. For instance, naked women are beautiful because we seldom see them that way. This whole idea of nakedness is a special treat God has given only to people. Animals, for instance, can't be naked.

Why Do Naked Dogs Look So Dressed?

Over the years I've had several dogs. My most recent was a 185-pound Great Dane. When I'd take him for a walk people would comment on his size and then ask me his name.

"He's Big," I'd say.

"He sure is," they'd reply. "What's his name?"

"He really is Big," I'd say as I patted his massive black head with my right hand.

Frustrated, they'd ask again about his name.

By then I was laughing as I explained, "That's his name, Big."

I gave him that name because I anticipated just such conversations. They always reminded me of the Bud Abbott and Lou Costello routine, "Who's on First?"

It's amazing how quickly I bonded with that Great Dane. If you have a dog, you understand how they blend into a family. They ride in our cars. They sleep with us (forget that one with Big). We talk to them as though they could understand us. Occasionally my boys even dressed Big in clothes. They'd slip red Nike shorts over his hind legs and a white sweatshirt over his front legs. Next they'd secure a hat to his head and sunglasses on his nose.

While Big looked cute all dressed up-umm, maybe stupid would better describe him-the truth is he didn't need shorts and a sweatshirt. Why? Because even without them he wasn't naked. No animal is ever regarded as naked. Think about it for a moment. Have you ever seen a dog strolling down the street without shorts and a shirt and wondered why it wasn't dressed? Of course not! And no cop ever ticketed a dog for indecent exposure.

Nothing can be naked in the same sense people are naked. Not trees, rocks, dogs, or dolphins. As men, we're not curious about the nakedness of an animal or plant. How could we be? They can't be naked. What man ever searched the Internet for pictures of naked dogs? (If you know, please don't tell me.) Women can be naked. Yet they seldom are. The women we see every day at work and in our communities are all clothed. A naked woman reveals what is almost always hidden from male eyes-the beauty of her body.

Comedian and television personality Tim Allen said he'll never forget the first time he saw a picture of a naked woman. He said, "In a way, the picture was both frightening and reassuring. I realized for the first time that, dumb as it sounds, all women are naked under their clothes That discovery made me distrust all women forever: they're hiding this! They have this power and I didn't even know it. It's just under their clothes!"

Allen raises an issue that most men can identify with; namely, how can women walk around every day and hide something so wonderful? And how can they pretend they don't know what they're doing?

I find his comments amusing and helpful. Amusing because they so openly express what many men feel but would never say-at least, they wouldn't put it in writing. Helpful because they reveal part of the reason why naked women look so good: men want to see something beautiful that's been hidden from them.

The opening pages of the Bible give us additional insight into the mystery of a woman's appeal. In the next chapter we'll examine why God made naked women look so good.

FOR DISCUSSION

1. Can you remember the first time you saw a naked woman, either in person or in a photograph? How did it affect you? Can you still see the image in your mind? If so, what does that tell you?

2. How do evolutionists reduce sexual magnetism to a purely animalistic experience? What's the problem with such a view?

3. Proverbs 30:18-19 (NIV) says,

There are three things that are too amazing for me, four that I do not understand: the way of an eagle in the sky, the way of a snake on a rock, the way of a ship on the high seas, and the way of a man with a maiden.

What do we learn about the attraction between a man and a woman from these verses?

4. How is nakedness unique to people? How does the fact that women are usually clothed affect men? Why?

5. How do you think most men believe God feels about the sexual attraction men have for women? What does that tell you about their view of God? Why do you think they view God that way?

(Continues.)

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