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Boundaries Participant's Guide: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life (Revised)

(Paperback - Dec 2007)
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$10.99 - Retail Price
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Overview

This nine-session small group study, Boundaries Revised, by Dr. s Henry Cloud and John Townsend uncovers the secrets to cultivating the habit of setting and maintaining healthy boundaries that provide the framework for rich, productive relationships.

Healthy relationship and sound living depend on maintaining effective personal boundaries. But many people don t know where to start.

Do you have trouble saying no? Can you set limits and still be a loving person? Are you in control of your life? Do people take advantage of you?

Based on the bestselling book by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend, these nine interactive sessions can make a life-changing difference. Drawing on principles from the Bible, Boundaries guides small groups on a journey of discovery and practical application.

As a participant, you ll learn how to live your life more fully and display truth and love more freely. Each of the nine Boundaries sessions in the Participant Guide corresponds with a video presentation by Drs. Cloud and Townsend (found in the companion DVD, sold separately).

It s the centerpiece for insights, exercises, and spirited group discussion that can profoundly improve the quality of your relationships in every sphere of life marriage, family, friendships, church, and the workplace.

Now revised to enhance both your group experience and personal growth, this Participant's Guide features insights, exercises, and all the practical resources for maximizing both group participation and personal growth. Its designed for use with the Revised nine-session Boundaries small group DVD (sold separately),

Sessions include:
1. What is a Boundary?
2. Understanding Boundaries
3. The Laws of Boundaries, Part I
4. The Laws of Boundaries, Part 2
5. Myths about Boundaries
6. Boundary Conflicts, Part I"

Details

  • SKU: 9780310278085
  • UPC: 025986278083
  • SKU10: 0310278082
  • Title: Boundaries Participant's Guide: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life
  • Qty Remaining Online: 9
  • Publisher: Zondervan Publishing Company
  • Date Published: Dec 2007
  • Edition Description: Revised
  • Pages: 128
  • Age Range: 18 - UP
  • Grade Level: College Freshman thru Up
  • Weight lbs: 0.40
  • Dimensions: 9.00" L x 6.00" W x 0.40" H
  • Features: Table of Contents, Price on Product
  • Themes: Theometrics | Evangelical;
  • Category: RECOVERY
  • Subject: Christian Life - Spiritual Growth
NOTE: Related content on this page may not be applicable to all formats of this product.

Chapter Excerpt


Chapter One

What Is a Boundary?

OVERVIEW

In this session you will

Define what boundaries are-and why they are important

Identify some examples of boundaries

Find out what we are responsible for within our boundaries

Learn that the concept of boundaries comes from the nature of God himself

Discover how boundaries result in freedom, which leads to love

VIDEO SEGMENT

Sherrie Without Boundaries

Sherrie is trying to do a good job with her marriage, her children, her job, her relationships, and her Lord. Yet it's obvious that something isn't right. Life isn't working.

Sherrie isn't able to draw and maintain boundaries around what is hers, boundaries that would help keep out what isn't hers.

In the physical world, boundaries are easy to see, and they give the message: THIS IS WHERE MY PROPERTY BEGINS. The owner of the property is legally responsible for what happens on his or her property. Nonowners are not responsible for the property.

Just as homeowners set physical property lines around their property, we need to set mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual boundaries for our lives to help us distinguish what is our responsibility and what isn't.

A variety of things, including past hurts, poor models, and misunderstood Christian teachings, cause weak boundaries or boundaries that don't exist at all.

Boundaries define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows where each individual ends and someone else begins, leading each person to a sense of ownership and responsibility. Boundaries also protect us from the bad.

LET'S TALK

Examples of Boundaries and the Responsibilities That Come with Them

Directions

1. The leader will split the large group into seven small groups and assign each group a cluster from one of the lists found on pages 12-13.

2. If your group is assigned some examples of boundaries, talk about why each is considered a boundary and what people can do to keep that particular boundary strong.

3. If your group is assigned some of the responsibilities that come with boundaries, talk about what being responsible for each of these areas involves or (perhaps an easier question to answer) what irresponsibility in each area looks like.

4. When you come back together as a large group, a spokesperson from each small group will share your group's ideas with the others.

5. You'll also notice some "Boundary Building" questions at the end of each page. These important questions-intended for later-can help you build healthy boundaries for yourself.

6. You will have 8 minutes to complete this exercise.

Examples of Boundaries

Cluster A: Skin (What good does skin keep in and what bad does it keep out?); words (especially the word no)

Cluster B: Truth (about God and about who you are); time (as in "time away from")

Cluster C: Geographical distance (removing yourself from a situation); emotional distance (guarding your heart)

Cluster D: Other people (How can other people help you set and keep boundaries?); consequences (Why are consequences necessary to strong boundaries?)

Responsibilities That Come with Boundaries

Cluster E: Feelings, attitudes/beliefs, desires

Cluster F: Behaviors, choices, values, thoughts

Cluster G: Limits, talents, love/trust

MORE ON BOUNDARIES

Boundaries help us distinguish our property so that we can ___________ ___________ ________ ________-and we are responsible for taking care of it. We need to keep things that will ______________us inside our fences and keep things that will ______________ us outside. In short,boundaries help us keep the _________ in and the _____________ out. But these fences need to have gates so that we can let good in and let out any bad.

This concept of boundaries comes from the very _________ of God. God defines himself as a distinct being __________ from his creation and from us. He has boundaries within the _____________. The Father, the Son, and the Spirit are one, but at the same time they are distinct persons with their own boundaries.

God also _____________ what he will allow in his yard. He confronts sin and allows consequences for behavior. He guards his house and will not allow evil things to go on there. He invites people in who will love him, and he lets his love flow outward to them at the same time. Created ________ ___________ _____________, we have personal responsibilities within limits, within boundaries that we set and maintain.

BOUNDARY BUILDING ----

1. Think of a time when you stuck by your boundary in a particular area and people honored it. (What were the circumstances? Why were you able to maintain your boundary? How did people respond? What did you learn from this experience?) Consider what hinders you from keeping each boundary strong. (Look back at a time when someone did not honor a boundary you set and try to identify why that happened.)

2. Now consider the list of boundaries from another perspective. Which boundaries, when set by other people, do you need to do a better job of honoring? Why might you have a hard time honoring people's boundaries, especially certain ones? What will you do to be more respectful of the boundaries of the people in your life?

BOUNDARY BUILDING ----

1. What do you tend to do with your feelings (especially anger)-ignore them or let them be in charge? Why do you think you respond in the way you do?

2. Which attitudes and beliefs do you hold that are causing you to make poor choices or experience pain? What will you do to get those attitudes and beliefs in line with God's truth?

3. Paul says, "A man reaps what he sows" (Gal. 6:7). When has someone interrupted the law of sowing and reaping in your life and protected you from consequences that could have been good teachers? What happened?

4. What choices in your life have you failed to take responsibility for? Whom are you blaming for what circumstances of your life?

5. When have you been caught up in valuing the approval of people rather than the approval of God (John 12:43)? What lesson did you learn from that experience or from seeing someone else caught in that trap?

6. Where in your life today would you do well to limit your exposure to someone? What is keeping you from doing so? What destructive desires do you need to learn to say no to? What good desires do you need to learn to say no to because the timing isn't right?

7. What talents, gifts, and abilities are you currently exercising? What talent, gift, or ability are you afraid to exercise? What step will you take to overcome that fear?

8. Name one area of your life in which you would do well to think through some issues for yourself. What are you doing to grow in your knowledge of God and his Word? Whom are you expecting to be able to read your mind? To whom are you afraid to communicate your thoughts? What do you think keeps you from doing so?

9. When have you experienced the fulfillment of a God-given desire? Be specific about the circumstances and your feelings. What desires are you currently pursuing that your heavenly Father, wise parent that he is, is probably not interested in giving you?

10. How healthy is the inflow of love in your life? What healthy, godly relationships nurture you? How healthy is the outflow of love in your life? Where are you giving to others the kind of unconditional love God has given you?

(Continues.)

Excerpt


Chapter One

What Is a Boundary?

OVERVIEW

In this session you will

Define what boundaries are-and why they are important

Identify some examples of boundaries

Find out what we are responsible for within our boundaries

Learn that the concept of boundaries comes from the nature of God himself

Discover how boundaries result in freedom, which leads to love

VIDEO SEGMENT

Sherrie Without Boundaries

Sherrie is trying to do a good job with her marriage, her children, her job, her relationships, and her Lord. Yet it's obvious that something isn't right. Life isn't working.

Sherrie isn't able to draw and maintain boundaries around what is hers, boundaries that would help keep out what isn't hers.

In the physical world, boundaries are easy to see, and they give the message: THIS IS WHERE MY PROPERTY BEGINS. The owner of the property is legally responsible for what happens on his or her property. Nonowners are not responsible for the property.

Just as homeowners set physical property lines around their property, we need to set mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual boundaries for our lives to help us distinguish what is our responsibility and what isn't.

A variety of things, including past hurts, poor models, and misunderstood Christian teachings, cause weak boundaries or boundaries that don't exist at all.

Boundaries define what is meand what is not me . A boundary shows where each individual ends and someone else begins, leading each person to a sense of ownership and responsibility. Boundaries also protect us from the bad.

LET'S TALK

Examples of Boundaries and the Responsibilities That Come with Them

Directions

1. The leader will split the large group into seven small groups and assign each group a cluster from one of the lists found on pages 12-13.

2. If your group is assigned some examples of boundaries, talk about why each is considered a boundary and what people can do to keep that particular boundary strong.

3. If your group is assigned some of the responsibilities that come with boundaries, talk about what being responsible for each of these areas involves or (perhaps an easier question to answer) what irresponsibility in each area looks like.

4. When you come back together as a large group, a spokesperson from each small group will share your group's ideas with the others.

5. You'll also notice some "Boundary Building" questions at the end of each page. These important questions-intended for later-can help you build healthy boundaries for yourself.

6. You will have 8 minutes to complete this exercise.

Examples of Boundaries

Cluster A: Skin(What good does skin keep in and what bad does it keep out?); words(especially the word no )

Cluster B: Truth(about God and about who you are); time(as in "time away from")

Cluster C: Geographical distance(removing yourself from a situation); emotional distance(guarding your heart)

Cluster D: Other people(How can other people help you set and keep boundaries?); consequences(Why are consequences necessary to strong boundaries?)

Responsibilities That Come with Boundaries

Cluster E: Feelings, attitudes/beliefs, desires

Cluster F: Behaviors, choices, values, thoughts

Cluster G: Limits, talents, love/trust

MORE ON BOUNDARIES

Boundaries help us distinguish our property so that we can ___________ ___________ ________ ________-and we are responsible for taking care of it. We need to keep things that will ______________us inside our fences and keep things that will ______________ us outside. In short,boundaries help us keep the _________ in and the _____________ out. But these fences need to have gates so that we can let good in and let out any bad.

This concept of boundaries comes from the very _________ of God. God defines himself as a distinct being __________ from his creation and from us. He has boundaries within the _____________. The Father, the Son, and the Spirit are one, but at the same time they are distinct persons with their own boundaries.

God also _____________ what he will allow in his yard. He confronts sin and allows consequences for behavior. He guards his house and will not allow evil things to go on there. He invites people in who will love him, and he lets his love flow outward to them at the same time. Created ________ ___________ _____________, we have personal responsibilities within limits, within boundaries that we set and maintain.

BOUNDARY BUILDING ----

1. Think of a time when you stuck by your boundary in a particular area and people honored it. (What were the circumstances? Why were you able to maintain your boundary? How did people respond? What did you learn from this experience?) Consider what hinders you from keeping each boundary strong. (Look back at a time when someone did not honor a boundary you set and try to identify why that happened.)

2. Now consider the list of boundaries from another perspective. Which boundaries, when set by other people, do youneed to do a better job of honoring? Why might you have a hard time honoring people's boundaries, especially certain ones? What will you do to be more respectful of the boundaries of the people in your life?

BOUNDARY BUILDING ----

1. What do you tend to do with your feelings(especially anger)-ignore them or let them be in charge? Why do you think you respond in the way you do?

2. Which attitudes and beliefsdo you hold that are causing you to make poor choices or experience pain? What will you do to get those attitudes and beliefs in line with God's truth?

3. Paul says, "A man reaps what he sows" (Gal. 6:7). When has someone interrupted the law of sowing and reaping in your life and protected you from consequences that could have been good teachers? What happened?

4. What choicesin your life have you failed to take responsibility for? Whom are you blaming for what circumstances of your life?

5. When have you been caught up in valuingthe approval of people rather than the approval of God (John 12:43)? What lesson did you learn from that experience or from seeing someone else caught in that trap?

6. Where in your life today would you do well to limit your exposure to someone? What is keeping you from doing so? What destructive desires do you need to learn to say no to? What good desires do you need to learn to say no to because the timing isn't right?

7. What talents , gifts, and abilities are you currently exercising? What talent, gift, or ability are you afraid to exercise? What step will you take to overcome that fear?

8. Name one area of your life in which you would do well to thinkthrough some issues for yourself. What are you doing to grow in your knowledge of God and his Word? Whom are you expecting to be able to read your mind? To whom are you afraid to communicate your thoughts? What do you think keeps you from doing so?

9. When have you experienced the fulfillment of a God-given desire? Be specific about the circumstances and your feelings. What desires are you currently pursuing that your heavenly Father, wise parent that he is, is probably not interested in giving you?

10. How healthy is the inflow of lovein your life? What healthy, godly relationships nurture you? How healthy is the outflow of love in your life? Where are you giving to others the kind of unconditional love God has given you?

(Continues.)

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