Your First Two Years in Youth Ministry: A Personal and Practical Guide to Starting Right (Paperback)

Chapter One

In 1979 I was a rookie youth worker with no idea what I was doing. I took teenagers to R-rated movies; I had a Jacuzzi party in the baptismal because a 12-year-old thought it would be fun; I yelled at a group of parents; I taught a 15-year-old to drive using the church van, and I almost got arrested for having underage students in an over-21 club. Thankfully, a lot has changed, but it's been an eventful ride ever since.

As I write this, I'm still working with students in the church, and I love to talk about youth ministry, especially with new youth workers! Every day that I worked on this book, I thought and prayed especially for you. If you're just starting out, you're my favorite type of youth worker to help! (If you've been in the trenches for a few-or many-years, I love you too, and I'm confident you'll find help and encouragement in these pages.) I'm thrilled to play a role in your youth ministry journey. Whether you're a paid staff member or a volunteer, the principles and ideas in this book are written to help you survive and thrive as you work with teenagers.

Youth Ministry as a Marathon

One of my life goals (that I haven't accomplished yet) is to run a marathon. I've run several shorter races, but the 26.2 mile monster has eluded me so far. I watch them on TV, eagerly anticipating the day I finish a marathon.

Have you ever watched a marathon? They're inspiring. When I look into the eyes of the runners, I see two types of expressions. Standing behind the starting line, the seasoned marathoners are focused, mentally preparing for the task before them. They know what it takes to complete a race of this caliber, so they stretch to prepare their bodies, run in place to warm their muscles, and close their eyes to visualize the race's hills and mile markers. The vets know what's ahead. This isn't a party; it's abuse. And since they have to endure pain over the next several hours, the task is to run efficiently. Their bodies have even instructed their faces not to smile or to express any form of joy. Veteran runners know what they're doing.

The other runners are rookies. This is a fun group to watch. They typically stick together, taking in all the action from the free race T-shirts to the vendors selling running gear to the maps locating the portable toilets on the route. The rookies are excited, feeling good, smiling, bantering with others, enjoying the pre-race hype. Little do they know that their valuable adrenaline is being wasted long before the one-mile mark. Their actions are to be expected; after all, this is an exciting time, but it's also deceptive.

How so?

Watch the race from an elevated viewpoint. At the start, a mass of humanity moves forward as one group, bunched closely together, seemingly inseparable, until the second or third mile when the crowd begins to thin. By mile 10, some have decided to walk and are tempted to stop and watch a matinee. By mile 15, many are eating lunch early. After mile 20, only those who are the most prepared have a realistic chance of finishing well. Finishing is not only a matter of the body, but the emotions and the mind.

Running a marathon is a fitting picture of youth ministry. It's not an easy task within the church. If it were, we'd have more youth workers than ushers. Youth ministry is filled with long, tiring, often unrewarding, complex, unique, intense, humorous, joy-filled, and painful experiences. Many within the body of Christ have entered the youth ministry marathon, but many quit before long, having lost joy and satisfaction. They're wounded and weary.

The Race before Us

I desperately want you to last in your ministry to students. Longevity in our field is uncommon. This is both unfortunate for the individuals who leave and tragic for the health of the church. The longer you work in youth ministry, the easier it becomes, and the better you minister to students. Quick departures have a lot to do with inadequate preparation and unrealistic expectations. But, like running, setting the proper pace assures long-term results and your ability to finish strong.

As I wrote this book, I kept two verses taped to my computer that served as the foundation for my writing. I want to share them with you.

And let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us. (Hebrews 12:1)

Youth ministry-like the Christian life-is a race that requires both training and endurance. Fortunately, our endurance and strength increase as we run the race and follow the course God has set out for us. Our success in the youth ministry race has a lot to do with developing a big-picture perspective. Check out the second verse:

Because of you I will weep and wail; I will go about barefoot and naked. I will howl like a jackal and moan like an owl. (Micah 1:8)

Oh wait ... that's not the right verse. Here it is:

But I will not do this all in one year because the land would become a wilderness, and the wild animals would become too many to control. I will drive them out a little at a time until your population has increased enough to fill the land. (Exodus 23:29-30)

The wild animal reference shouldn't be viewed as synonymous with the students in your group, but this verse accurately portrays a youth worker's world. The Exodus passage describes God's plan for the gradual conquest of Canaan. God didn't want to overwhelm Israel by giving them the Promised Land in one day. Besides, knowing Israel wasn't completely prepared, God put together a journey that allowed them to develop their faith and confidence as they learned to depend on him.

This biblical principle applies to your youth ministry. God won't give you everything at once. The foundation of your ministry is strengthened as you develop faith, skills, leadership, experience, character, disciplines, and passion.

Where Do I Start?

Whenever you pull out this book to read a chapter, I'd love for you to imagine that you and I are at your favorite informal restaurant, meeting again to talk about you and youth ministry. The goal of the meeting is for me to coach you during your first years as a youth worker. You're filled with questions, enthusiasm, ideas, hopes, fears, dreams, and prayers for your new ministry. I'm there because I heard you have a passion for God, a humble heart, a love for students, an eagerness to learn, and-hey, let's be honest-because you offered to pay. But who really cares about the food? This is a great setting for a heart-to-heart discussion about youth ministry!

The questions you're asking during our time together have been asked by most youth workers over the years. The number one question I'm asked after I teach a seminar or after someone has finished reading my book, Purpose-Driven(r) Youth Ministry, is, "Where do I start?"

While many beginning youth workers would love for me to hand them a checklist of the exact steps to take, it's an impossible request. Since every church is unique, each youth worker complex, all students different, the steps you'll need to take won't be the same as the next youth worker's.

Even with the variety of youth workers who will read this book, some commitments are relevant to all youth workers regardless of denomination, church size, and country they live in. In this chapter, I've identified 10 commitments I'd like for you, as a new youth worker, to prayerfully consider making. They can serve as a foundation for your effectiveness, health, and happiness in youth ministry. Copy the summary on pages 21 and 22, post it in a visible place, and allow the commitments to influence you during your next several months in the trenches.

Doug's Top 10 Youth Ministry Commitments

// 1. I will move slowly.

Speed often leads to pain. When we first moved into our home, I teased my wife about her cautious parking habit. While it was a tight fit in our garage, it seemed to take her an absurd amount of time to pull into her space. One day when I was parking her car, I confidently and arrogantly zipped into the garage much faster than she did (I'm sure I shaved 10-15 seconds off of her time), but I also caused over $250 in damage as I broke off the side mirror. My teasing halted immediately, and this experience led to a teaching principle ... for my children, of course: what looks to be quick and easy may need to be approached slowly and carefully. The principle applies to youth ministry.

It's safe to assume you want to make some changes at your church during your first two years. Great! But these changes probably don't need to be implemented right away. With confidence, I can guarantee that even the changes that appear to be no-brainers cause pain for someone. If you're a volunteer, immediately suggesting changes may communicate a divisive or critical attitude to the lead youth worker. If you're the lead youth worker, fast changes can appear arrogant or reveal a maverick's personality to your church.

Instead of making immediate changes, keep a record of all potential changes as soon as you think of them. This allows you to give them prayerful consideration. Hang on to your list. Continue to be a critical thinker in the arena to which God has called you, but realize you don't have to apply all (or any) of the ideas that come to you. Slow down. If you're in this for the long haul, what's the rush? Hurried changes are often perceived as lacking thought. (I've committed an entire chapter to making the change process successful. See Chapter 11.)

When I arrived at Saddleback Church in 1992, I told my pastor that it would take at least five years for us to begin to see a healthy, balanced, volunteer-laden, vibrant ministry. This wasn't an arbitrary figure. I had come to Saddleback Church after spending 11 years in youth ministry at another church. I knew there's no such thing as a just-add-water approach.

Remember, God didn't move the Israelites into the Promised Land overnight, and he's not expecting you to change your church within your first two years. Relax. Prepare your own heart before you change your church. Remember, Jesus took 30 years to prepare for three years of ministry (and he had that God-thing going for him).

// 2. I will regularly check my motives and evaluate my heart.

God honors pure motives, and the more you check yours, the stronger your leadership and decision-making will be. If your motives are pure, you'll persevere, reproduce student ministers, be productive, and contribute effectively, all while having fun. Most conflicts arise from unclear, mixed, or impure motives. If you don't personally evaluate your motives, others will-and if they're not pure, the impurity will be exposed.

I've learned that to check my motives, I must continually ask questions about myself:

Why do I want to lead this ministry?

Why do I want to teach this material?

What's my motive for saying yes to that request?

Why do I really want to change this program?

When do I let people know I don't have a clue about what I'm doing?

You may think of other questions you need to ask yourself. It's good for you to evaluate your motives so you can lead with integrity.

In my early years, I wanted to cancel a student-run praise and worship night. Nothing was wrong with the program, and most people would have considered it a fairly successful night for students. I told people I wanted to cancel it because it wasn't growing and it was taking students out another night of the week (both good reasons). When I held the mirror up to examine my motives, I saw that my motives were to be noticed, to develop my credibility, and to highlight my speaking gifts (which weren't being seen because students were running the program). I used excuses as a smokescreen to cover my real agenda. My entire plan reeked of bad motives. Thankfully I didn't cancel the program, but I did see my ugly, dark side that was close to the surface and very real.

To keep your motives right, commit yourself to an honest and regular evaluation of your heart, the source of your spiritual growth and leadership. (I have written an entire chapter about your heart's condition. See Chapter 3.)

I've made my own pledge to never do any training if I can't talk about the spiritual life of a leader. Unfortunately, I spent my first several years in youth ministry creating fancy programs, inventing wild games, and growing the group to head-turning numbers, all on my own power. I was the antithesis of John 15 where Jesus tells us to be connected to the Father in order to bear fruit. I was connected to youth ministry books and magazines instead of God and his Word. Believe me, I'm a different man today and a much better youth worker because of my heart's connection. I don't have the energy that I did in 1979, but my church doesn't have the spiritually immature leader my previous church once had-I've learned to give myself regular heart checkups since then.

// 3. I will steer clear of the numbers game.

You don't need to be in youth ministry long before you hear this famous question: "How many kids are in your group?" I've heard it asked more times than I want to admit. Now I feel embarrassed for the person who asks this question. It feeds into the myth that bigger is better and that the value of your leadership is based on how many students you have. Here's my fleshly response to this carnal question: "Who cares?"

Please commit during your beginning years to not engage in the numbers game. Don't join the group of youth workers who erroneously base their value on how many students attend a particular event. This is not a basis for determining value.

Carol was a great volunteer youth worker who left our youth ministry team because she was "tired." Later when I asked for an exit interview, she admitted that the real reason was because she felt she was ineffective. She had only three girls in her small group while the other female leaders had at least twice as many. Even as a volunteer small group leader, she felt the pressure to grow.

Truthfully, Carol was a great small group leader, and if she had had more students in her group she wouldn't have had enough time to adequately care for them. She played the numbers game, and at the end of the game, our ministry lost, Carol lost, and those three girls lost. The numbers game is a losing game! Don't be fooled into becoming a loser!

Throwing out numbers can be exciting or debilitating depending on who you're talking to. Bigger isn't better; healthier is better. Steer clear of churches and youth workers who are driven by numbers, and surround yourself with those who are motivated by serving God faithfully and pursuing health.

Continues...