Conversations on Purpose for Women: 10 Appointments That Will Help You Discover God's Plan for Your Life (Spiral)

Chapter One

Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. (Psalm 139:16)

All people seek purpose in their lives. Our human nature drives us to search for meaning and significance, to believe that life matters. That's why my pastor, Rick Warren, touched such a deep nerve across the globe in his bestselling books, The Purpose-Driven Church and The Purpose-Driven Life. In them he explains the five purposes for the church and for our lives, based on the Great Commandment (Matthew 22:37-40) and the Great Commission (Matthew 28:19-20): fellowship, discipleship, ministry, evangelism, and worship.

I have personally experienced the discovery, hope, focus, and freedom of living with purpose, as the Bible describes. And through years of serving and teaching women, I have seen many of them also embrace their life purposes.

But perhaps, like me, you have wondered, "Once I discover my purposes, how will this change me? How does change-progress-happen in my life? How do I move from merely hearing new information to actually thinking, perceiving, and behaving in new ways? How can I apply the principles of God's purposes in my life? How do I connect the dots between living amidst the details of my life and living out God's purposes for my life?"

This workbook will answer these questions. Filled with conversation starters, Scripture verses, comments from role models, and self-assessment exercises, it's a tool to help you live the life God intends for you to live-asking him to reveal his plan, doing it his way in his timing, because he is God of all. If you try to demand or invent answers because you are tired of not having any answers, or if you try to get ahead of God in your planning, you will miss his best for your life. Instead, patiently let his Holy Spirit give you answers through prayer, Scripture, reflection, and conversation with another Christian woman as you progress through this book.

An Overview: Where We're Headed

After I explain some basics in this chapter, the real fun begins. Part 2 will take you through six carefully planned conversations with a Purpose Partner (more on her in a bit). You will be asked to do approximately forty-five minutes of preparation in your workbook prior to each conversation, so that your time with your Purpose Partner is spent discussing your answers, not reading and writing while she watches you deeply ponder your life. The best advice you can live by during the conversations is to have fun, trust the process, and trust the Holy Spirit. The final "conversation" in this section is to take what I call a laughter break: to go somewhere with your Purpose Partner for the distinct purpose of not thinking about purpose, but enjoying each other's company. Relaxation, pacing yourself, and friendship are key elements of your journey.

Part 3 will surprise you by revealing logical vision out of what may have seemed random exercises in Part 2. In three additional conversations you will analyze the data bits you have been storing up in your workbook, thus allowing you to draw some conclusions about God's general and distinct purposes for your life.

The most important thing you can do is to pray for your complete surrender to God's will by the end of the book. Other than that, just keep following the book's directions, week by week, without trying to figure out how each step contributes to the whole process as you go along.

Unleashing the Power

I like to call this introductory chapter the power chapter for three reasons. First, it explains the power of the pen in moving your ideas onto paper. Second, it discusses the primary power of God who gives perspective about his plan for your life. Third, it talks about the power of two women working together through prayerfully guided conversations!

Power of the Pen

As you jot down your answers to workbook questions during your private preparation time, you will notice a budding clarity over the weeks. Without this process of putting pen to paper, your ideas likely would stay jumbled up inside your head. Expect your written answers to shock you at times and delight you at other times. Write whatever comes to mind first. There are no right or wrong answers, so go with the flow!

Power of a Godly Perspective

You gain new perspective when you climb to the top of a mountain to view landscape impossible to see from ground level. Similarly, God can use this workbook as a vantage point to help you see your life as a whole, allowing you to spot patterns and trends about how you operate. This new primary perspective will encourage you to decide objectively if you are happy with what you see, and if you're not, to ask yourself what you're going to do about it.

An important part of gaining a godly perspective about your life's purpose is to take stock of what you have to work with. That's the step successful organizations take before they make a critical decision, launch a strategy, or invest time, money, energy, and resources on any proposed program.

So in Conversations #1-10 you will take stock of who you are, where you've been, what's important to you, and the resources you have available to complete your part in God's larger story. You may be surprised during different sessions to learn:

How much hurt you've survived

How talented you are

How often you have kept God at a distance

How fear is blocking you from taking action How a taste of significance has made you hunger for more How God would like you to dream bigger dreams for his glory

You will begin to notice whether you have slipped into dangerous habits, perhaps procrastination, dishonesty, comparing yourself to others, bragging, or the "impostor syndrome" of being afraid that you will be found out in some regard. Such obstacles can prevent you from living out God's best plan for your life. But once you recognize these things as weighty, unnecessary baggage, you can ask God to help you unload them from your life to free you for the rest of your journey.

Power of Conversation

Great power is always unleashed whenever two Christian women sit down to prayerfully focus on one single concept for an uninterrupted hour-and-a-half meeting. Now, multiply that times ten appointments!

In this book, we'll refer to those two Christian women-you and your friend-as Purpose Partners.

What is a Purpose Partner? A Purpose Partner is a Christian woman who is willing to invest in you emotionally and spiritually, because she longs to see you used by God. She will walk alongside you, listen to you, encourage you, and help you listen to God about his purposes for your life.

Why do you need a Purpose Partner? God did not intend for us to be lone rangers. He wants us to lean on him and on one another to grow. In 1 Corinthians 3:6, Paul writes, "I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow." Did you notice something important in that verse? God caused the growth, but he used others in the body of Christ to plant, water, and nurture that growth. His Word also tells us that there is great power in two people working together:

Two people can accomplish more than twice as much as one; they get a better return for their labor. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But people who are alone when they fall are in real trouble. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, NLT)

What should you look for in a Purpose Partner? The two most important qualifications for a Purpose Partner are personal faith in Jesus Christ and a life of love. As you can imagine, the more spiritually and emotionally mature she is, the better. Ideally, she is a woman of prayer, integrity, confidentiality, and vulnerability.

Your Purpose Partner needs to be healed or healing from any crises she might have had, and she must be seeking peacefulness in her life in order for you to get maximum benefit from your time together. If she is having difficulty healing or if she is not seeking peace, I encourage you to choose a different Purpose Partner or to postpone the exercises.

There are three potential traps to be aware of in your search for a Purpose Partner. First, it may not be wise to choose your best friend, who may be too close to you to have a fresh, broad perspective. You may need a new voice in your life, someone who can be much more objective.

The second trap is to search for the ideal woman who "has arrived." I'll save you some time. That woman doesn't exist; she is a figment of wild imagination! Instead, look for someone who has seen some struggle in her life and knows the depth of God's love through trials. Choose someone who can admit that her spiritual life is not perfect, but who attempts daily to become more Christlike.

The third trap is that a married woman may unwittingly decide to choose a man as her Purpose Partner. Please hear my heart on this: Because of the deep bonding that usually takes place between conversants, I've found it best for a married woman to ask another Christian woman to guide her through the exercises. (And, as I mentioned with the first trap, best friends-that includes husbands-may not offer a fresh perspective.) Of course, a single woman could ask an unattached godly man to guide her through the exercises-assuming, of course, that he's willing to listen to that much detail!

A Purpose Partner is not a therapist, a preacher, or a teacher. Purpose Partnering is not a substitute for therapy. It is not about fixing you. It is about someone listening to you and encouraging you.

How do you find a Purpose Partner? Ask God to bring to mind the name of a Christian woman who might be willing to join you on this adventure. Pray specifically, as you look through your list of contacts. And expect God to answer you. He is eager to give you the good gift of the Holy Spirit, who can share wisdom with you through your godly friends: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! (Matthew 7:7-11)

Once you have found a Purpose Partner, fill in the contact information asked for on page 21 so that you will have it readily available.

How will these conversations work? How you proceed is up to you, because there are two ways that you and your Purpose Partner can operate. You can choose a mentor-protégé model to focus only on your life purpose, or you can both go through the exercises in a mutual coaching relationship. Regardless, you will each need your own workbook to review or complete the exercises in preparation for your time together. Whatever model you select, the "Purpose Partner Tips" appendix on pages 133-135 is a useful resource. You may also download the "Purpose Partner Tips" at www.pathwaytopurpose.com.

Decide where the two of you will meet, how often, and for how long. Because there are ten conversations of approximately an hour and a half each, it may seem logical for you to meet once a week for ten weeks, but that schedule is up to you and your Purpose Partner. You can record the date for each meeting in the space provided on page 21.

What follow-up is expected? None is expected. None is required. All follow-up conversations will be a bonus round!

So enlist a partner, prepare for the first conversation as described in the "Wrapping Up" section on page 22, and enjoy the process together! And may God nudge you gently along his pathway to purpose.

Wrapping Up

Close Your Reading Today in Conversation with God:

Dear God, thank you for guiding me into this method of cooperating with you to learn more about your purposes for my life. I appreciate the power of the conversational process I am about to undertake. I believe that writing my answers, challenging my current perspective, and listening to your Holy Spirit speaking through Scripture and a Purpose Partner will help me immensely. Thank you that I will not have to journey down this path on my own, but that you will hand-pick just the right Purpose Partner for me. Make it clear whom I should invite on this adventure with me. In Jesus' name, I pray. Amen.

Before Your First Conversation:

Your advance preparation each week will allow you to move more quickly through the material and spend your time with your Purpose Partner in actual conversation. Prior to your first meeting, please read the chapter and complete the exercises in Conversation #1.

Pray diligently that your first conversation with your Purpose Partner will be meaningful. Spend time throughout the week praising God for who he is and for all he has done for you thus far. Thank him in advance for the miracles he is going to perform in your life, as you ask for his daily and long-term purposes to be revealed to you.

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