Gaining and Being a Friend: You and God, You and Others, You and Your Kids (Paperback)

Chapter One

For You Alone

Here's a little quiz to get you started on thinking about friendship in general. Check each one that applies to you personally.

I enjoy being with my friends, at least most of the time.

I also enjoy being without my friends at times - being alone, in other words.

I have many close friends.

I have a few close friends.

My dog/cat/bird/neighborhood squirrel is my only friend.

My church friends are a big support to me.

My family members are good friends.

My mom is a close friend.

My husband is a close friend.

My high school friends are still close friends.

My college friends are still close friends.

My kids are my friends.

I enjoy getting to know new people.

I'm hesitant when it comes to meeting new people.

I can find a friend anywhere I go, even waiting in a line at a bank or restaurant.

I don't make friends easily.

Friendship is important to me.

I don't need friendship much.

I enjoy having friends visit me in my home.

I need to wipe up the spilled milk and vacuum up the Cheerios before my friends can come over.

Some of these you could easily check; others, however, may have made you pause, and you hesitated to answer honestly. That's okay. You know the real you and your true feelings about your friends and about friendship in general. This first session will help you examine and advance your thinking on friendship.

For You and God's Word

Friendly people create an atmosphere for friendships to develop. Some do it naturally (a gift); others must put more effort into it. But if you wish for friends, you just might have to be the one to take the first step. How do you do it? Reflect on this quote by an unknown thinker: "If you were somebody else, would you want to be friends with you?"

1. What kind of friend are you? Do you ever think about how you can be a better friend?

2. What three characteristics can you name that would make a good friend? Which of these three characteristics do you exhibit toward your friends?

Not everyone makes friends easily. Don't berate yourself if you're one of those people. But don't just sit back and wait for others to be friendly to you. Even if it doesn't come easily for you, make an effort not only to be friendly but also to make friends.

Read Proverbs 17:17.

3. When do you love your friends?

4. Name three or four times when it might be hard to love your friends.

5. Name three or four times when it might be hard for your friends to love you.

Read Proverbs 18:24.

6. How many friends does the person in the first line have? The second line? What does this tell you about close and true friendships?

Read Proverbs 27:6.

7. What do you think it means that a wound from a friend "can be trusted"-can be a good thing, in other words? Can you think of a time or situation when a friend could wound you and it would be a good thing.

8. How is a wound from a friend better than a kiss from an enemy? Compare the kiss recorded in Matthew 26:48-49.

Read Proverbs 12:25-26.

9. Do you have any friends whose anxiety or depression weighs you down? What is your best response to her or him? What sort of friend do you need to be during these times? (Swing back to the first verse listed here from Proverbs for a clear answer.)

For You and Others

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art.... It has no survival value; rather is one of those things that give value to survival. C. S. Lewis

Look around you at the members of your small group. Are you meeting with friends? Close, intimate friends? Or more "surface" friends? Are the people in your group just acquaintances? Better yet, are they perhaps future friends?

Whatever your level of friendship, examine together the story in Luke 5:17-26.

1. What is a "paralytic" (verse 18)?

(Continues...)